Circle of Life

I used to hold your hand, but I must let go.. I must travel down the road, alone, yet the echoes of our memories are in tow

-chris winters

"Sleep well, before you die"
C. Winters
future excerpt from 'Tungsten's Guide to: Empathetic Mania'

A couple days later at work, I ran up the stairs to say something very stupid to Mark. I was always trying to be funny, and the life of the party. So today, I thought I'd make Mark's day by saying some random thought. I do those things to get a laugh out of someone. Today was that day.

As I strolled past another good friend, which I will entertain very soon. Samantha. she's this cute blonde that...

"I thought I should tell you about my neighbor!", Samantha stopped me at her desk.

It was one of those all-of-a-sudden episodes in life where you actually become interested in something other than the goal you are trying to achieve. The tone of her voice manipulated that.

"Yauhh," I grinned, "You guys were getting a bit frisky there. I was wondering if I became some sort of third wheel."

I remember a few days back, Samantha and her neighbor where making out. It was a small party he had going on. I was there. I felt I was the third wheel, because I came along with her. So, in the event of this happening I thought it would be best I left. Besides, who wants to be a cock-blocker? Samantha wanted some, so I figured it was my time to jet.

"No! Not at all!" she said, "Let me tell you what happened..."

There was a pause before she went on. My eyes rolled from one side to the other as if "yeah, right" came to mind.

Her smile melted away as she recollected the past that was laid out before me.

"The neighbor had broken up with his girlfriend and was moving soon. She called on St. Patrick's Day. "

My mind became focused. The "I" started to divide.

"She said she was going to a party in the area, and asked if she could spend the night. Something about, being responsible, instead of driving home. He then replied 'no'", Samantha leaned back in her chair as she began the story.

"He mentioned to her that he is going out with some friends, and this -has- to end. He specifically enforced the last part of his words. After his night out with friends, he comes home, and finds his door busted open. Also, he said her vehicle was parked, and he got concerned. All the lights are off, except for the bathroom. Unnerved, he decides to move in the direction of the house into the bathroom... calling her name. It was sooo Scooby Doo."

My mind can see the picture. A man, walking towards the house,and towards the bathroom. It is dark. Midnight blue. The colour of peacefulness, but with an eerie feeling. However, my mind did not see anyone in the house. Just the front door slightly ajar. I felt a slight chill as the wind might have slithered in the doorway.

"She brought with her a body bag, duck tape, and a helium tank for balloons. She climbed into the body
bag, zipped it up halfway, and taped it around her wait. She then turned on the helium tank, and zipped up the rest of the body bag with the nozzle inside."

I saw the girl. She was crying. She was so badly hurt that I can actually feel her pain. Her face was already swollen from the tears pouring out of her eyes. She had an agenda, and I know, where this was going...

Samantha finally uttered the last words, while she continued back to her work, "Helium puts a person to sleep, before they die."

in fantasy, romance can be the sweetest dream, but in reality, romance is hope. -chriswinters invented- -today!

I've already sailed away, not looking back, as my own tears were cleared by the wind that brushed my face.

The grass maybe greener on the other side, but that's from all the shit in it

-chris winters28 2009

When you think you are on the top of the hill, there's always a cloud floating above you.
-chris winters

OMG! I'm on this site: http://www.pumpitupparty.com/our-programs.aspx scroll down and take a look (under Corporate Team Building graphic)!!!!

Here's a picture sent by my daughter, Lauren (Loryn) Ashley (via cell phone):

[disclaimer: profanity language. Parental guidance suggested]
I swear I am so fucking pissed this morning. FUCKING PISSED!

This makes the third time in my life I've got hit on my bike from a fucking car with a fucking idiot driver who doesn't take the time to fucking LOOK AROUND because they are in a fucking rush to get to fucking work or whereever they are fucking going.

I take my time to look around. Shit, I even look doubly on my fucking bike, with my fucking eyes, in every fucking corner, light, sub roads, and every fucking thing I can fucking possibly see.

So, I was coming down the street, which I had pop over on the other side to get to my destination. I biked from Hollywood to Culver City. I was on Overland ave crossing South Dr. at the time. Going towards Hannon ave. wasn't any way easier. Then I come towards a sub division, which contains nice apartments and condos. From the entrance I see a light blue car. I think its a fucking Honda or something. Who the fuck knows.

I know he may not see me, although I KNOW he sees me, that is IF he looked both ways. Apprenalty he did not. I am coming right up on him, stopping a bit, because my spidey senses told me to, but I was way too close. The guy doesn't take the time to think a fucking pedestrain , a biker, or a pizza delivery guy could be walking towards HIS direction, although it is a one way for him. He pulls out right when I cross him. I yell "NO!". NOW he sees me.

I get hit, but I get hit in the back framing. I only get a scratch on my right calve, and my bike suffers yet another war story. It spins under my ass this time. A loud chang!

All I can hear, is him, asking if I am alright and him pulling back. I get on my bike, and just yell at him, to look both ways next time, and to go on. I was already pissed. I had bannans in my bag and DID NOT WANT THEM DAMAGED. I was also carrying rice cakes. I don't want them damaged either. I had to get to work because of some issues and then my class assignment was already late. My instructor @ Howard Fine Studios does not take excuses, at all.

Not to mention, if I was to get off that bike and talk to him about it, I won't be a in a great, fucking, mood. My knee already hurts as well as my back. That was all from the impact from behind.

DRIVERS! WATCH BOTH FUCKING WAYS *REGARDLESS* if you are on a one way street. PROGNOSTICATE; if someone is coming in either direction,. LOOK! BREATHE! DRIVE. GeeZ!

A fucking public service announcement from yours fucking truly

Only good thing about drinking: its EDUCATIONAL. Everytime you get hammered, you gain little wisdom. For example, last time I got drunk, snd go christmas carroling, you go with a group of people! Alone, in the middle of July, naked, with a bottle of Vodka yelling "Jingle BELLS! You SUCK!"- people would not consider it 'carroling'.

In my novel, Justice it describes the healing of onesself. In the story, christopher finally lets go of Justice. In his speech at her funeral, he reads this passage. This is the same passage that is read in the beginning and the end.


------

My Little Balloon (Rev. 2)

Looking up, I am seeing the balloon, my balloon, float away.
I will miss it... That, pretty little, balloon.

I loved that balloon so much. It was my favourite. It will be missed.
That balloon gave me so much joy. It went everwhere, I went.

It was like my dream... We were floating, we were playing, we were laughing.
Once I woke up, I noticed that it was gone, floating away; slowly away.

Away, in a long, long, distance, the balloon could still be seen. I watched, as it left.
With a tear, slowly creeping down my left eye, I wept, although I refused to say goodbye.

My hand extended, my balloon looked back. It never said goodbye. It just watched me.
It too, shed a tear, with a sad face, as I let it go.

I will miss that balloon...
- I once played with, before.

the reason why I had 'Nanners

I was sorting through my journal and came across a disturbing but funny entry.

"I had a friend who brought banannas, turkey, milk and whatever he felt he needed to get rid of to me."

I remember this trait that he had. Looking back, I laugh at it because I now can remind myself why he liked to give me things. now I can appreciate his actions.

With that "ah, I get it" look on my face. I realize one of the reasons why humans give.

not to give because they could possibly care...

not to give because it means "I'm sorry I don't spend enough time with you"...

not to give because they are unleashing crap found within their house....

not to give because it rids them of excess baggage...

but to give to get rid of you.

nice!

Awareness. It is a thing one must learn to do, at all times: Taste. Touch. Hear. Vision. Smell.

I got into an accident today. This morning. A vehicle struck me going some unknown speed, I was riding my bike (trek 6500). I wasn't paying full attention, but at the same time, I was following after a car, that was in my right away.

This is my second accident, and matter of a fact, on the same side. The left. One accident was in Newport News, Virginia where a guy did a California Stop and smash right into me as I was proceeding down a footpath towards home. Clearly his fault, all I asked his insurance was to repair my bike and fix my butt. I don't look for a million dollar lawsuit.

Did I ever tell you that the mind is a trickster? I soon will, again.

I was going to my 9 to 5er this morning, I as typically do. I live in K-town in LA, one of the best places to live. I was travelling towards Culver City, the heart of screenland. It is about a 12 mile bike ride. At the time of the incident I wa travelling West on Pico Blvd, one of the main surface streets.

During my travelling I listen to music, but I learned my lesson after paying a $150 fine for having headphones and travelling on a bike (see my other bike incident). So if I do travel, its one earphone on and one earphone off. This time, however, I did not listent o music, I wanted to think about the 2nd novel I am writing, Justice and some other issues going on in my life. Lately I having been re-inventing myself, doing some soul searching, and getting rid of people in my life that holds negativity, and those who really don't do much in my life but be the regular emotional vampires they are. Egotistical, mean, uncaring, unloving individuals are the ones I do not need this time in my life. It is hard and will be hard to rid of them, but one must let go, as one lets go of their garbage.

The mind, is a trickster.

As I was switching through gears, whizzing through traffic, obeying the stop lights (yes, you WILL get a $350 fine, on a bike, running a red light), watching traffic, displaying my red signals (one must wear light signals), and my front light was on (California law requires you to have a front light and a bell). I did not wear a helmet because I ended up losing it... somewhere. So I wore a beany. I wore a blue one.

So. I wasn't thinking about how life was grand, or the time I was frolicking around, jumping in the fields of corn, while the sun lay on me, blazing my skin, tanning it brown. I was looking forward; then back, watching cars go by. I constanrtly keept my eye on the entrance crevaces; parked cars that open doors, pedestrians who are crossing withme, or waiting at the metro. I had to watch for potholes, oncoming traffic and the sun that keeps following me. I then started to think about the class I was going to attend tonight and the homework I needed to do. I then flipped to, Justice, the story I was writing.

I can taste the exhaust from the diesel engine that past me. It tasted of tar. The smell was intense as much.

I noticed a side street off the surface street, so I figured I duck in there for a quick spin towards La Cienega, which would be a shot from Fairfax.

I always loved racing cars during my travels on surface streets. I would -love- to take them on the freeway, even know I would eventually lose. Then again, I don't know. I can beat them on a bad day, probably on the 10 on 10. I call freeway 10 the "10 on 10" because a lot of accidents and traffic happen there. People go about 10 mph. I hate the 10. In Los Angeles, going east and west is fine and dandy, going north and south are a pain in the ass.

I started to notice my shifter wasn't working that much. It was a little loose on the downshift. I tried toggling the shifter and in a quick second, it regained tension. I then headed towards the side road, after noticing the car, and putting faith in the traffic behind me, I proceeded to head across the road towards Fairfax. I was almost there, acorss the street.

That's when my bike begin to run away, out of my hands, like a lost lamb running to nowhere. I can hear the tire screeching, but I did not know where it was coming from. A quick painful thud feeling shot into my hips as I realized darkness. I saw that I landed on the hood of the car. I did not know, the damage, I did to it. I went down on the road, my bike was ahead of me. It did not look back, but I did. I saw cars stopping in the other lane. My bike just laid there.

My mind was tricking me, again. It wanted to laugh. Like a clown at a circus, it sat there and -laughed- at me. I was confused and wanted to question it. I gave in to my own consciousness, putting faith into it as I rode. I felt: let down. I made an error, somewhere. My mind let me down. Usually, it works with me, keeping status on my own surroundings. In acting, doing tv and film, I notice my surroundings. I notice how I feel, what I taste, what I smell. I am typically aware of my surroundings. However, I do daydream alot, and this time, I trusted my best friend: my conscious mind.

I cannot smell. I cannot smell the morning I once did, as I hit the road. My vision was temporarily blinded to the fact that an error was made. My mind went into fight mode. It was ok now. I was already accepting the fact that I got hit by an oncoming car. Like a angered rhino bucking out of the jungle, on a hot day, it hit me on my left side.

I got up. Again, trusting my mind, my head hung low. I put up my hand to stop any other traffic as I headed towards the side of the road. My fight mode was now taking over as I used any reserved energy to cross the street. At this time, I was already running a P.A.S.T. on myself. I now became aware of my surroundings. The car also headed over to the side of the road. My peripheral vision tracked that.

I was going through my PAST and interrupted by the guy who hit me. I said I was ok. I ran a P.A.S.T. again. However, I knew I would have some epidermal and dermal contusions. My elbow got a bit scratched, because I can feel the sting and fabric of my light blue hoodie.

He, the guy who hit me, was a bit scared of the incident. Eventually, after findign out I was living, wanted to know who is going to pay for his damages. His hood is bent and gashed. I said we could the police. I didn't know the extent of my damages on my bike, nor my body. He got a bit angry and decide the best thing is to drop it, because he figured the cops would grant a better position over the matter. I just remembered the asshole insurance companies I had to call just to -get- something paid for. I really hate insurance companies. I didn't have insurance on my bike. Then again, you didn't need insurance.

Again, I feel I was not paying attention as the story goes. I was in the other lane crossing over. I did not see any cars coming towards me, that is until I was hit when I was already on 75% of the crossing. I wasn't sure of the red light, although no cars were coming in the opposite direction. I only knew that the other side, the one I was crossing, cars were stopped.

So what gives? Why was it only him that hit me, and not others? I didn't see any other cars until -after- he hit me. Then they started to appear. Perhaps, it was the yellow light rule I was following. The yellow light rule was two cars typically go when the light begins to turn red, if not, you'll get honked at. In my case, I was happily biking.

He left and I did, after trying to fix my chain. I got back on, and started to head towards my destination. I didn't look to sue or have someone thrown in jail. I figured if I was alive and fine, then I should be thankful. Even if it was my or their fault.

Getting hit doesnt bother me anymore. Nothing does, really. Bad and good things, in life, come and go. Just like accidents, you pick up and move on.

Well, I am officially an LA biker. You have to get hit at least once to claim that title. ;)

Right now, I'm fine. Just a bit sore with a small headache, and some grit in my teeth....

... and experience to be even more aware. That's what I am constantly learning in acting.

Awareness.

Acting: A challenge

Notes 1

These are notes I want to list on this medium. It -may- help others. The reason why I am posting is because I do want to refer back to my blog for review. Right now, I am re-educatiing myself of myself. ;)

TWO theatre books in class we are studying in class are:

UTA HAGEN: A Challenge for the actor
ISBN-10: 0684190400
ISBN-13: 978-0684190402

RICHARD BOLESLAVSKY: Acting: The First Six Lessons
ISBN-10: 0878300007
ISBN-13: 978-0878300006

They are amazing books, and probably THE best acting books I've come across besides Michael Caine's - Acting in Film: An Actor's Take on Movie Making.
---------------------------------------

This sesison of notes describes how to connect more with the psychological senses and the memory of emotions to the physical events of external world.

...
When recieved a task, the attention on self is REMOVED. Find a way to accept what has occurred and make it happen.

Be AWARE when in DENIAL.

Self Awareness / Self Critical judgement is not. When we do not focus attnetion on self, we become MORE INTERESTING.

3 obstacles in CONCENTRATION:

A. Intellectual: Manifests self conscience and inhibition.

B. Emotional: Slef judgement/critisicm which leads to frustration. You cannot judge yourself while in the 'task'. Only when it is done, you can judge.

C. Physical: tension.

To create, I must be FREE of self; emotionally centred, and physically relaxed.

One cannot create through tension and fear.

Two approaches to acting:

A. EXTERNAL - indicating. Indicating is showing or experiencing the emotion that isn't. i.e. TOO BIG.
When direction is taken and ti is mentioned "do not do anything" this essentially means, you are indicating. You need to focus on self, relax, know your awareness. Connect it with your emotions. Align your spin with your neck. Breathe. Because focusing on self will create tension and you cannot create or concentrate on your emotion.

B. INTERNAL - Organic. They are real feelings coming from wtihin.

* WE STUDY TO OTHERS TO LEARN ABOUT OURSELVES *

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The Alexander Technique is a technique of body re-education and coordination, accomplished through physical and psychological principles. In acting we use these principles to utilize outselves in ways to project. I tis important as casting directors do not want to see people:

"sway their arms back and forth"
"point the ground." This will eventually lead you to say "uh.......uh.....uh"
"crooked feet, and disarrayed body positions"
"slumpyness and bad posture" Bad posture beings bad deliverance.

Animals and children have Kinesthetic Awareness. it is an external sense. Proprioception is an inner sense. Both work and have an impact on each other. Proprioception is the ability of your central nervous system to communicate and coordinate parts of your body with each other.

-Recognize awareness. Aware of the neck and spine. Align the two.

The BREATHE is the VEHICLE of EMOTIONS.

If we cannot connect with our physical body, our physical awareness, and our emotions, then we are not connected with the physical EVENT.

(remember your own passage: The events of reality are seperate from the events of the mind, therefore, focus on the two: perception within the events of the reality can be altered or duplicated within the events of the mind, or vise versa. -cwinters)

ENERGY -> BREATHE. If we do not have enough BREATHE, then we will struggle to have energy.

Basic Tree
by C. Winters
25th, March 2009

The Tree;
from where it started.
it provides the basics.
nourishment. life.
bare. necessity.

Should you pluck and consume, from its branches the fruit it provides?
-or should you drink from man's chalice;
that he said he made from that tree?

Go back to the basics, which God has created.
Not things made of man, made by man, made for man;
- which are evil, and have no value;
- except for the population of greed.

for those things made by man, are complete words and promises.
-for a better, longer life;
-for an enriched life.
-but one who keeps it, will surely lose it.

We rely on words alone, to describe and direct
to influence and to destroy;
to command and conquer;
-or employ.
-but we do not know ourselves.
-all we know is... flesh.

Take the narrow, thorny path, which is hard;
because the journey will teach you experience...
It will make who you are, and what you will become.
The tree will deliver and guide you to the basics.

Do not follow the multitude, that takes the wide, fast, clean path.
-they might find a quick solution to a problem;
but they will never find;
- what makes them,
- themselves,
- experience,
- deliverance,
-or, answers without influence.

The basics should not have additives;
- they do not need them;
therefore, they provide everything.
You cannot find it, because man, has created heaven;
- which he cannot truly duplicate, to exist in.
However, the words of evil delivers a promise only to fail;
-and disappear like a thief in the night.

Truth, reconciliation and penance. your confession to absolution;
it is right there, before you; the basics.
it is the thorny, narrow, wicked path which one must take;
-or, forever you will be lost, in the toxic waste, of what man has created...
It is The Tree, which he has destroyed.

so i can honestly say I am not the best english speaking person at which times i have to write my stuff from my mind. once i begain and your mind starts reading this rubbage, you will soon realize that my mind has already finished my thought and i am trying my best to transpose this onto this medium- which you see reading here.

my english is bad. my grammar is bad. however, it is your mind who decided to critic it, although accepeted elsewhee.

it shouldnt matter. as long as your mind has already unraveled the story that you are reading.

me. flesh. writing. tangible meaning. the theatre curtans open...

the mind exposed:

i aint got no pencil.
where you at?
sahree too tell you the troof, but you arent the one who is not the one who isnt the one.
im not going to do it no more.


the curtain closes.

although the sentances have been read by your mind. you already depicted your own vision of how the mouth moved to form these 'bad off' sentances.

your mind did it.

-not me.

Complaints Of Pleasures Abound.
by C. Winters 23, March, 2009

All I see is the mouth moving, but the mind isn't.
with problems everywhere, the mouth moves and blames.
one finger pointing, while three pointing back;
the problems people create, they always complain about.

shut it; --the tongue.
your mouth; --must close.
your tongue must close, and your mouth must shut.
the mind is the evil monster, which you transport, not reason with.

have i ever told you the mind is an evil thing?
-it will not agree with you!
the monster inside of us, must feed its internal hunger:
-of blame,
-of envy,
-of jealousy,
-of greed;
never of content;
We complain about the problems we create.

Do you know; who you are without it?
-What to do?
-Where to go?
-Who to trust?
-Who to silence?
--Do you feel lost?

you complain and feel negated.
but your mind spreads your infection to others.
now, as a result, you feel better;
-- you made someone else feel worse than you.

Take away the flesh, and you cannot see yourself.
-Do it what it wants.
-Go where it wants.
-your mind you trust.
-You feed your mind and it is silent.
-Do you still feel lost?

You are complain of your weight;
-but your stuffing your mouth of over-consumption.

You complain of material things surrounding you;
-but these burdens aren't moving, your mouth is!

shut it, the tongue.
your mind, the monster.
hidden little monster who has nothing to do but create havoc.

you spend and spend, and buy, just to buy;
-but complain about all the stuff you accumulated.

you eat and eat, you become the behemmoth;
-but complain your trousers do not fit!

you smoke and drink, but, nice appear this way;
-but complain about looking older.

you stay up all the days, without the sun or moon seeing each other;
-but you complain how much energy you do not have.

Blame the mind. It created it.
Shut your mouth, so the tongue cannot whip about.
yet, you cannot. you complain or blame.
the mind owns you, as you are nothing --but a transport.

-As for I do not care:
- about your health problems,
- your mental problems,
- your emotional problems.

They are your pleasures....
-- and, yours, alone.

cW

Have You Ever...
[o] Driven a car.
[o] Shot a gun.
[o] Been arrested.
[o] Been in a band.
[o] been called a fat ass.
[o] Shoplifted.
[o] Been out of the country.
[o] Had a job.
[o] Smoked pot.
[o] Rode in an ambulance.
[o] Cried over a movie.
[o] Met a celebrity.
[o] ARE a celebrity?
[o] Moved.
[o] Baked a cake.
[o] Been suspended.
[ ] Been tubing.
[ ] Gone skiing.
[ ] ignored the first ten people who say good morning?
[ ] Been paintballing.
[o] Made out.
[ ] Finished a crossword puzzle.
[o] Blew more than $300 in one store.
[ ] ...are you fucking crazy?
[o] Been drunk.
[o] Been to a wild party.
[ ] ended up passed out in a tree.
[o] shout out random numbers while someone is counting
[ ] got someone pregnant in someones' bed, while drunk, and irrsponsible.
[ ] have you ever filled a backpack with twinkies to its highest capacity.
[o] Swam in the Pacific Ocean.
[o] Risked your life for someone else's.
[ ] ran and tripped. then look back at what you tripped on.
[o] Saw someone killed.
[o] Watched cartoons all morning.
[ ] told your loved one how awesome they were, made a click sound, and shot them with a double barreled fingers?
[o] Got the munchies.
[o] ever ran out of someone's room, bare ass naked, and at full state of arousal.
[o] Cleaned your whole room/house/storage container/hamster cage.
[o] Had someone clean your whole room for you.
[ ] and do your dishes?
[ ] cook your food?
[o] Stained a carpet.
[ ] tossed the salad.
[o] Ruined your favorite shirt.
[o] "Wrong IM"ed.
[o] Been hospitalized.
[ ] still hospitalized
[o] Shopped on Rodeo Drive.
[ ] Shoplifted on Rodeo Drive.
[o] Dropped a baby.
[o] Adopted a pet.
[ ] dropped your pet
[o] Had your life in danger.
[ ] put a babies life in danger
[ ] skipped rather than walked
[o] Fell off something high.
[o] Almost drowned.
[o] pinched yourself
[o] pinched others
[o] get punched because he person you pinched hurt
[o] Broke up a fight.
[ ] pretend you were a robot
[o] Stood up for someone.
[o] hit someone with a bag of Sun-Chips
[o] Been told you looked like someone famous.
[o] Helped a stranger.
[ ] ask for money/sex/or other favour, after you helped a stranger
[ ] told a Walmart employee "i think there is a code 6 in automobile section"
[ ] Been fired.
[ ] someone toss your salad.
[o] Been caught doing something bad.
[o] pushed someone in shopping cart
[o] rode IN a shopping cart
[o] Cheated during a board game.
[o] Been on a boat.
[ ] was it a prison boat?
[ ] Gone to school/work/church/funeral under the influence.
[o] Climbed a tree.
[ ] Played Super Mario 64.
[ ] Gone on vacation with a friend.
[o] Broken a bone.
[ ] or two?
[o] Snuck into a movie.
[ ] Ran from the law.
[ ] has a family member still runing from the law
[ ] Been a vegetarian.
[ ] been accused of a vegatarian?
[o] been to Starbucks more than once in life
[ ] Stole a wheelchair from a patient
[o] ...Rode it in an parking lot of an airport
[ ] when someone has a sore, bruise, or area of infraction, I like to press on it and ask "Does it hurt?"
[ ] Enjoy cleaning my pets litter after a walk
[o] Smack someone and tell them it was THEIR fault.
[o] I own a big ass SUV
[o] I wear flipflops no matter what the weather
[o] I own 1 or more pairs of ripped jeans
[o] I layer my shirts
[ ] I layer my underwear
[ ] I layer my hair
[ ] I say "lol" in every sentence of every online conversation
[o] ...thinks LOL is stupid and overated
[O] not filed taxes on time
[o] It own tight jeans
[o] cuss when you're mad
[ ] go to church on sunday
[ ] park your vehicles in the yard
[ ] have gone shopping...for a gun
[ ] sank a child senseless
[o] wear long sleeves even in the summer
[o] know what a vulva is?
[ ] constanly check your cell phone and wish someone important would call?
[o] Gone on a blind date
[o] Skipped school/work/church/funeral
[ ] Been to Mexico
[o] Been to Florida
[ ] Been to Hawaii
[O] Been to Hell
[o] Been lost
[O] Been up shit's creek!
[o] Played cops and robbers
[ ] Recently colored with crayons
[ ] Sang Karaoke
[o] Paid for a meal with coins only
[o] Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t.
[o] Made prank phone calls
[o] Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
[o] Caught a snowflake on your tongue
[ ] ...and realized that a dog just peed in that spot...
[o] Danced in the rain-naked
[o] Blown bubbles
[ ] Ate cyanide
[ ] Seen a falling star and made a wish
[ ] Seen a falling star and realize it was a plane getting ready to crash
[ ] Touched a monkeys' butt
[ ] Ridden by an elephant
[ ] Ridden on a camel (Australia again…)
[o] SMOKED a camel
[O] thought this was stupid?


Seven 'Effed Up Sins:
---
GLUTTONY
[o] I'm always hungry, even after I just ate.
[o] I'm always looking forward to my next meal.
[o] I like eating snacks between every meal.
[o] Sometimes I eat a little too fast.
[o] When I go out to eat, I spend more than I should.
[o] I'm at least ten pounds overweight.


GREED
[o] I've bribed someone before.
[o] ...for sexual favours?
[o] I've stolen something that I really wanted before.
[ ] I've betrayed someone for my own personal gain.
[ ] i flap my arms in the air when i can't get what i want.
[ ] I'm not very generous of money.
[ ] I've been known to gamble.
[ ] I love receiving nice gifts.

SLOTH
[ ] I sleep in late.
[ ] My favorite thing to do is sit around watching tv or some other thing that doesn't require much moving.
[ ] I depend on other people too much.
[ ] I am unemployed.
[ ] the world owes me everything, but i don't owe it nothing
[ ] People have called me lazy before.
[o] embrace my fat ass?
[ ] Not a lot of things make me happy.

WRATH
[ ] I believe in revenge.
[ ] I hold grudges.
[o] I have road rage.
[ ] ...kinda like in the Office Space movie?
[ ] I don't take criticism, I'll usually say something back.
[ ] There are a lot of people I don't like.
[ ] I know you are, but what am I?
[o] I lose my temper easily.
[o] your tongue can hurt someone emotionally

LUST
[o] I've had sex a lot.
[o] I find myself physically attracted to a lot of people.
[o] ...but doesn't mean i want to sleep with them.
[o] I like trying or doing new things sexually.
[o] If I'm not physically attracted to the one I'm with anymore, I move on.
[ ] I wear clothes that show off my body.
[o] I like to flirt.
[o] Sex before bombs!
[o] Do you like to role play?

ENVY
[ ] I love watching people who have a lot of materialistic things.
[ ] Rich people don't deserve their money. I do.
[ ] I can't stand it when someone has something I don't have.
[ ] I'm a very jealous person.
[ ] i don't have it, but i'ma gonna get it!
[ ] I compare myself to others.
[ ] I'll sabotage my relationship because the other person is better than me.
[ ] You get upset when something good happens to your friend but didn't happen to you.

PRIDE
[ ] When something good happens to me, I have to tell everyone I know.
[o] I work hard to be attractive and pretty.
[ ] I tend to judge people.
[o] If I was poor, I'd rather starve; than work at McDonald's.
[o] I like showing off.
[o] kiss my ass if I am going to dig ditches in 20 degree weather
[ ] I'm attractive and i know it.
[ ] fail to give compliments to those who deserve them
[ ] yeah, I know I am, but what are you?
[ ] I like it when people are jealous of me.
[ ] I constantly look at myself in the mirror
[o] The mirror talks back to me
[ ] My hair is out of place. I freak.

I'm so excited!!!!

--and nervous!

The film I worked on titled "Wheel Of Torture" will be screened at Warner Brothers Studios Feb 6th, 2009! It is a really small film, but a joy to work on!

Warner Brothers! Coolness! I hope it turns out wonderfully!

I've ALWAYS been nervous to see -any- films I've worked on; shown on a large screen. I think it is because you aren't sure how people react. I remember, when director Trent Duncan, displayed "Check, Please!" at the screening in Norfolk, Virgina- I was a bit nervous. As an instructor once said: As an actor, you always think you done something wrong, or perhaps there are others ways to do it. A beginner actor is always shocked at mistakes. For me, I always thought I could have done it another way, over analyzing at times.

I was sitting in my chair and we were waiting for other films to pass on. I remember it quite well: It was a feature for Scott Hansens' "Andrenaline". He actually got me to star in his production for a music video of the rock band WE WERE GENTLEMEN. I was an abusive boyfriend in that one. Right now, I'm waiting to be somewhat of a jerk, in "Check, Please!" The film was shown and "Check, Please!" was a hit. Funny and quirky!

Now this short film, "Wheel Of Torture" I play an innocent man, who has a son with cancer. The medical bills are overloaded and the medical inurance will not cover. So, I take a dirty job. It is not the job I really want. I end up doing some human traffiking job. To my surprise, the jerk who I work for ends up traffiking girls for sex objects. At this point, I am terribly upset and lash out.

In this character, I am some regular joe, regaulr build, with messy hair. I play an down beat, nice, and genuine character who is confused to what all is going to happen. To my disgust, I last out in anger as I realize I do not want to work for the guy again.

So, I am excited to see myself once again. It's all shot in HD, and you all have seen the behind the scenes on my front page of myspace. I will post the video on my website and youtube soon. It would be an honour this time, how little or large it is, to have myself screened across warner brothers studios property.

Friends, Family, and Fans, I love you.

cW

post it soon as soon as I get a copy.

I had to re-post this because I actually like the way i've written them. I wrote them on facbebook because many people were doing the "25 About me" thing. when they would write, they would tag others to do it and they would write... The circle went on and on.

I broke that circle because of who i akm ;) I went out all Rebel and stuff and did my own. ;)

From My facebook:

Since everybody is tagging and writing, what the hell. These are the things to 'get to know me'.... Viola! Enjoy! -- just not the silence.

1. i do things half assed

2.i have a temper

3. i am very intense

4. i am dark

5. i typically have LSO one way or the other

6. i like to read colouring books

7. peanut butter is MY friend. NOT yours.

8. i could care less what people think of me, its what i think of you after you said something completely stupid and irrational.

9. i am not materialistic, however i like nice things. things that work a long time so i don't have to keep buying them to keep working

10. i sing in the shower. you will never hear me though.

11. i am self aware of myself. i masterbate very well. i am sexual and i know what feels good to me and to the woman im with and i don't moind exploring with her many places a human can possibly go.

12. I may not be the smartest and brightest crayon in the crayon box, but I SURE am the most colourful-'est' one!

13. i love everyone who enters my life, but hate someone exiting my life.

14. my body is gifted because it re-generates rather well.

15. i actually taught myself to remember everything since i was born about me and my experiences.

16. if i touch a person, they will never forget.

17. i am a male. not a man, boy, or guy.

18. really simple and stupid thing bother me. i get rid of things like that.

19. people used to make goof of me, but im the one whos really laughing now.

20. i do it because i CAN get away with it. when i realize i do, I push the envelope farther, because it is such a wondeful experience.

21. i give advise all the time. no one really does what i say, although they agree I am right or they can relate-- but neither do i.

22. i love myself. it takes someone to love themself to be loved.

23. im allergic to poisen ivy.

24. i HATE the cold, although my last name is WINTERS.

25. no one will REALLY figure me out.

So, I've been working no this small film, Wheel Of Torture, where I play a father who needs financial help and takes a job that is a job he does not want. The medical insurance companies denied my claim to help, so I end up doing anything, even if it means human traffiking. I star in this film as a more wholesome man compared to the person playing my oppoisition: the guy who hired me in the first place to do the dirty deeds.

Sanja Insanic' is the director of this fine film. I play a caring father to my son, but ended up taking an illegal job. It kinda reminds me of the movie Trade http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0399095/

Sanja is a wonderful director and the crew of the set are really nice and energetic. I loved working with them all. I worked with other talented actors as well.

We tried wrapping up the last fighting scenec 14th), between the co star and myself, but we ran out of time and production will not start until early January. I just got my haircut, and for this film I have to actually grow it back out. My hair was getting rather long, on all sides, and I looked like the perfect dad. Scruff and everything in the scenes where I do the dirty deeds.

Anyway, the film will probably be available sometime before summer arrives. I'll have to host it on my site as soon as I get it.

Until then...

Many blessings, but not after the sneezes.
c. winters

Being blessed was something I thought I'd never see or even hear of. I have never been approached and asked "Can I bless you?"

Let me back up a bit into the story. It so happens one day I was in a particular place with an unknown particular person, in a particular time. The particular place happens to be a known fast food place. The unknown particular person is an unknown person, but in conjunction with the particular time, which was afternoon, the sun played with me again (See blog: Journey 003 http://chriswinters.livejournal.com/51513.html).

Read on if you curious. If not, turn to page four.

Where is page four, you ask? I, have no idea either.

However, I was in Carl's Jr. the other day and a man takes notice of me. He was black, overweight, with grey hair. It was cut short, like in the older 70's style. He was, in fact probably around that age. He had a cane, but at the time he took notice of me, he was sitting on the edge of the Carl's Jr. eating booths.

I came a little closer, a bit aloof, to what he actually asked. Only then did the sun from outside blind me a bit only to see his outlined figure. I did notice a cane. So, I moved in a bit and my eyes adjusted. My eyes are really super sensitive to bright light. In this case, the sun played with me... again. I love the sun, but it tends to play with me at times when I don't want to, only annoying me. It laughed as it moved away from my face - only because, I moved.

"I said: What religion are you?"

"Well... “I fumbled for a bit, trying to prognosticate his intentions on asking. "I am Christian."

I said it as I felt somewhat ashamed, but remembered that His own disciples did the same. I took notice to this and replied again, this time a bit more sure.

"Christian, like I believe in Jesus Christ."

He looked around briefly, as if his last days on Earth were coming to. Now, I never judge a person, but for some strange reason, by his physical appearance, he dressed as if he was a bum. He did wear faded clothing, rather old to say the least, and he seemed or appeared to be a bum. However, the thought crossed my mind that most bums aren't particularly 'fat', unless they are rearing alcoholics. Then again, bums don't typically hang out in Carl's Jr. either....

....but what was interesting about this was, this particular Carl's Jr. did have bullet proof ordering benches. The neighborhood was a bit seedy.

I judged though. I normally do not do it, but when you have people watching you, a strange person ask a question like that, bullet proof ordering stations, rather old and unkempt location, you seem to wonder, and be cautious. I was a bit cautious, but I also am pretty relaxed anyway. It takes a bit more to make me a bit more nervous to more dangerous and un safe situations. Places and events such as sitting on a prop plane and realizing the rather fast turning propellers are wedging off and flying in an unknown place is scary. Sticking your hand in a sink garbage disposal and suddenly turning on is scary. This wasn't. But, I did judge.

"Can I bless you?" he asked.

My head cocked to the side like a curious dog. I wasn't too sure how to take that last query, although I had to ask what his religion is. Blessing someone out of the ordinary is a bit curious, out the blue, in a particular place with an unknown particular person, in a particular time.

"What religion are... you?" I poked back.

"Catholic."

"Ah! No thanks, I am fine." I nodded as I waved my hand away as to shoo the whole incident. Apparently, I don't want to be blessed for a penny, or perhaps some other way to owe him back. Again, I judged. As I started to move towards the counter, I remember that I did read the Bible the other day. Now, I don't normally read the bible every sinfully, not perfect, need to be sanctified day. I started to read it because I was curious. I've been raised on the Bible as a child per say, just never followed the Christian religion because I felt it was too controlled. Too Man made, and too many rules to follow, just on the church side. In addition to that, I had too many people believing that you should run your life by what the preachers says, not the way of the bible. With me saying that, I also found that history had made bad changes and following because a man reads something, and he must burn a woman at the stake because she was a witch, or perhaps the way I dress makes me a different person. I could say that by the 'Name of God', we must go to war. I never understood that. Why fight wars, in the name of God. God doesn't want that, or murdering another man for that matter.

In the Bible, I did come across a passage where if you betray God and act like you don't know Him, when it comes a time when you are judged, He will claim He doesn't know you either. This came across my mind as a reminder. I shook my head and continued. I then thought about this one time when I biked to work and saw this homeless guy looked just like Jesus Christ. The homeless man wore shredded trousers and no shoes. His skin was dark from the sun, and he was dirty to the core. I remember reading in Psalms 23 something about inviting a poor or wanting man into your house to feed, clothe, and shelter. He walked everywhere near Century and La Cienega blvd. After seeing him several times, I was compelled to give him money, just to buy shoes. After the next day thinking about it, I never saw the man again. I felt pretty shitty, but then again, it could have been just something else.

"Look, I'm not begging for money... I... I, just need to bless someone. you know..."

"What do I have to do?” realizing this perhaps could be a 'test' from the Man Himself, upstairs.

As the man directed me over to his part of the table, I sat across him. He was looking around, it and appeared he happen to look outside, not inside the place. I had my sunglasses on, because at that time, sunshine had already spilled across the table, blinding me. My eyes are already super sensitive. He just sat there, looking around outside, occasionally looking at me.

"I have to bless someone. I need to...."

His words began to mumble, or my hearing just went out. I tried focusing on his lips to follow his speech, but it was arduous. He began to explain the reason why he had to bless someone. Only then do I notice that other people around began to watch. He began to explain that he needed to bless someone because something about he needed to do a good deed. As he explained, he hardly looked at me, and looked around, but only towards outside, not around the place. He was very nervous in a way, as if he needed to get something off his chest. Looked like he had a burden of some sort. As he explained, I tried to pinpoint the reason, but I can only take in what he said. From this point on, my judgments, my opinions, not even the fact I was ashamed even being there, sitting with this estranged man, who needed to bless me, around a bunch of people who -already probably thought both of us, has in fact, lost our minds.

"I just need to. I feel I need to bless someone, like a good deed.... I need to do. My mission..."

His words were broken up, and I just went with it.

"Ok? So, what do I need to do?"

"I need to come around, at the edge of the table..."

He directed me towards the end of the table; I did so, but only at an angle. He then directed me on my knees, at the end of the table booth, of Carl’s Jr. (in case some did not know, Carl's Jr. is Hardees' on the East Coast). I moved to the end of the table. At this point, I am now wondering how Catholics sit and pray. I think; I have it right.

"Ok, I need to put your hands like this..." he said as he directed my hands in a way where my elbows where on the tables and my hands were at eye-level.

At this point, I am feeling a little funny, because I feel as if I am the biggest dork and do not even know how to setup a prayer. Once this direction was all done, I was officially a person of interest in the fast food joint. I am sitting there, in Carl's Jr., on my knees, at the end of a table booth, with this guy, and we're about to pray. The sun was on us, no doubt.

"Now, I am going to say a prayer. This prayer I am going to say silently. Then I want to finish it only after when I say I am finished and you will begin. Close your eyes. "

He mumbled something to the Lord. I am not sure if he was voo-dooing me or blessing me, but I do know that he started to feel a lot better as he began to pray. His nervousness was disappearing. I, had my eyes closed, but a brief period, opened them, just to make sure things were ok.

Yup, he was praying.

My eyes, closed, and once I did hear "A-men" from him, he then instructed to say something in prayer or wish. He instructed it had to be a really positive statement, and one to be true.

I sighed, and thought the best thing:

"I wish for peace, and for everyone to love each other as a human being, and I thank the Lord for, each day, I awake from sleep, that I am breathing again."

From that point, something weird happened. I felt light, like something lifted off my shoulders. It quickly went away when I started to emerge from my knees. I then realized my blood circulation was cut off.

So much for the light uplifting feeling.

He thanked me again. I got up and left to get my food.

As I left, I came to him once more. I pat him on the shoulder:

"Thank you. I just want to say thank you very much, and I hope you have a wonderful day"

I left him, sitting there at the edge of the table, with his cane beside him. This time, he wasn't worried about what could happen or what he needed to do. I left him smiling and he looked as if he accomplished something.

It was the most interesting thing that happened to me in a while. Only God knows what could possibly happen next.

John Thompson, CEO of Symantec Corp. He has been @ SYMC for 10 years. He is retiring and Enrique Salem is going to take his place. both have been since '99. john has made symc the number one security company in the world.

--To me, its history. To him a new life.

I'm sadden in some ways because I remember when I first started with SYMC, I witnessed him guiding symc even further into the security world. He also made symc a great place to work.

Even though I feel Enrique take over, I hope he also has the same guidelines as John. I feel confident.

Today, to me, this is history.

MY feelings? I feel as if he is moving onto another life, and I am staying behind. kinda weird i suppose. Iono...

So, I booked the Fox Reality show "Battle Of The Bods.". Actually filmed today. I couldn't and realyl cannot say too much until production comes with the episode, but let's jsut say: GO CHRIS!

Battle of the Bods is a show where ladies are judged for their physical beings and assets and then practically humiliated. When they earn kick ass cash, the tables are turned, and we mean BIG time, and the guys come out in their undies, and the girls ridicule and judge them. NICE!

If you wanna peep it out, go to www.foxreality.com

I was casted by the great Sam Rhima. He is awesome. I remember we chatted sometime before back in '05 and he told me to get my butt out to LA. So, I finally met him. Great guy. He held he castings and sent them to the network. In a week I got a call back saying the network likes me and to come in for a interview. I then got categorized int he 'metrosexual' guy. Yay! so me!

--oh, and there are some things I kinda regret saying, but it is all part of show business I suppose. Other than that, I LOVED the women, it was ALL about them actually -and the money. The guys were just great. Great pair of guys I worked with. Actually one knows the Jackson Family, and another is a bf of a gal who is an actress.

I cannot say anything else about it except I booked it, and got on the show. Episode run will be mentioned later. I just know I've never in my whole entire life been the biggest asshole and womanizer. Although it was fun, I still had to disagree with some of the things said.

The production staff blew me away, literally. Art, was immensely funny and a great guy. Kevin, the PA, had to put up with all my senseless calls. I actually was 15 minutes late.

NOTE: IF you were EVER to have your call time somewhere in Hollywood, make sure you NOW get there TWO hours ahead of time.

other than that im great! I finally got me a new place in the 90020 area. great loction, near downtown, next to hollywood tourist stuff, but quiet, and WONDERFUL value I am paying for my place with all these GREAT amenities! Kick ass! I thank my new found friend Adam Waggoner (www.theadambombshow.com) for that.

speaking of which, tune in!

ok, Im running now. I actually have to floy back to Virginia this weekend. Laura got me a new frame for the jeep she is selling me since I had to sell it, and I need to sign over title in case she sells my car. --Im riding hers, out here.

and yeah, its funny, because it is a 'girl car'. I wonder if people are laughing at me.

;)

toOtles!

cW

Another year has passed and I still stand.
I walk among the trees, like a giant.
I hold my life in my hand
choosing where to go, or where to stay.

my birth was many, many days ago.
many winters
many summers
in my third decade, i know.

today i celebrate, again a breathe of life.
a chance
experience
the Gift, I adore, the Gift I love and like.

Happy Birthday, You.

(Catholics, Muslims open landmark talks at Vatican)
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081104/ts_nm/us_religion_dialogue


In my story, under the CONCEPTS document, Invisible War describes how Muslims and Catholics come together under the Unity of Echo, the Redeemer... It's pretty nice to see how this is all starting to formulate in the real world... As I already predicted in Invisible War.

NOW I need to GO FULL SPEED AHEAD on getting this story written to prove that Invisible War is not only what may happen, but what falls into place as it DOES happen.

--scary

cW

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7708169.stm

Stoning victim 'begged for mercy'


A young woman recently stoned to death in Somalia first pleaded for her life, a witness has told the BBC.

"Don't kill me, don't kill me," she said, according to the man who wanted to remain anonymous. A few minutes later, more than 50 men threw stones.

Human rights group Amnesty International says the victim was a 13-year-old girl who had been raped.

Initial reports had said she was a 23-year-old woman who had confessed to adultery before a Sharia court.

Numerous eye-witnesses say she was forced into a hole, buried up to her neck then pelted with stones until she died in front of more than 1,000 people last week.

Meanwhile, Islamists in the capital, Mogadishu have carried out a public flogging.

Islamists are becoming increasingly open in the capital, Mogadishu

Mogadishu is nominally under the control of government forces and their Ethiopian allies, who face frequent attacks by Islamist and nationalist insurgents.

The BBC's Mohammed Olad Hassan in the city says the flogging was a show of strength.

He says two men accused of helping to kill a man and torture his mother, who they accused of theft, were each given 39 lashes in the north-eastern suburb of Suqa-hola.

The man who actually killed the alleged thief was released, after agreeing to pay his family 100 camels in compensation.

Before the flogging, hundreds of Islamist fighters performed a military parade, our reporter says.

Death threats

Cameras were banned from the stoning in Kismayo, but print and radio journalists who were allowed to attend estimated that the woman, Aisha Ibrahim Duhulow, was 23 years old.
People were saying this was not good for Sharia law, this was not good for human rights, this was not good for anything
Witness

However, Amnesty said it had learned she was 13, and that her father had said she was raped by three men.

When the family tried to report the rape, the girl was accused of adultery and detained, Amnesty said.

Convicting a girl of 13 for adultery would be illegal under Islamic law.

A human rights activist in the town told the BBC on condition of anonymity that he had received death threats from the Islamic militia, who accuse him of spreading false information about the incident.

He denies having anything to with Amnesty's report.

'Crying'

She was asked several times to review her confession but she stressed that she wanted Sharia law and the deserved punishment to apply, they said.

But a witness who spoke to the BBC's Today programme said she had been crying and had to be forced into a hole before the stoning, reported to have taken place in a football stadium.

"More than 1,000 people arrived there," he said.

"After two hours, the Islamic administration in Kismayo brought the lady to the place and when she came out she said: 'What do you want from me?'"

"They said: 'We will do what Allah has instructed us'. She said: 'I'm not going, I'm not going. Don't kill me, don't kill me.'

"A few minutes later more than 50 men tried to stone her."

'Checked by nurses'

The witness said people crowding round to see the execution said it was "awful".

"People were saying this was not good for Sharia law, this was not good for human rights, this was not good for anything."

But no-one tried to stop the Islamist officials, who were armed, the witness said. He said one boy was shot in the confusion.

According to Amnesty International, nurses were sent to check during the stoning whether the victim was still alive. They removed her from the ground and declared that she was, before she was replaced so the stoning could continue.

The port of Kismayo was seized in August by a coalition of forces loyal to rebel leader Hassan Turki, and al-Shabab, the country's main radical Islamist insurgent organisation.

Mr Turki is on the US list of "financers of terrorism".

It was the first reported execution by stoning in the southern port city since Islamist insurgents captured it.

The BBC had a reporter in the area, but he was shot dead in Kismayo in June.

The Good Left Undone

In fields where nothing grew but weeds,
I found a flower at my feet,
bending there in my direction.
I wrapped a hand around its stem
and pulled until the roots gave in,
finding there what I've been missing.
And I know....

So I tell myself, I tell myself, it's wrong.
There's a point we pass from which we can't return.
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm...

All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is
shout it out!

Inside my hands these petals browned;
dried up fallen to the ground,
but it was already too late now.
I pushed my fingers through the earth,
returned this flower to the dirt;
so it could live, I walked away now.
But I know...

Not a day goes by when I don't feel its spurn.
There's a point we pass from which we can't return.

I felt the cold rain of the coming storm...

All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is
shout it out!

All because of you.
All because of you.

All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream
of drowning in the ocean;
longing for the shore
where I can lay my head down.
Inside these arms of yours.

All because of you
I believe in angels.
Not the kind with wings,
no, not the kind with halos;
the kind that bring you home
when home becomes a strange place.
I'll follow your voice;
all you have to do is
shout it out!


Credit:
Rise Against - The Good Left Undone

once AGAIN, ARAMARK has proved in not failing to please me with their services! The employees there at our cafe' are remarkable. At one time, I happened to intrude on their meeting, while buying something, copmlimenting the manager , but I'm not sure if she really took it seriously. However, I'm going to write a letter. Or something.

--but largely, a person to write it in their blog, is even more EPIC!

The Culver City location cafe @ SYMC serves really good food. I mean we're talking GOOD, QUALITY food. Not some shmuck McDonalds' salad crap with nothing but lettuce. We're talking about gourmet, good size portions, with organic material!

With a wide range of chef's sepcials, they also cook- made to order! Fro' example: I just got in after a hard time at the gym. I ran down, before a shower- no doubt, and talked to one of the employees there. I never got his name and usually we partake in some nice general conversations. I ordered French Toast and Eggs -scrambled. I would then take a shower, get ready, and come down to get my food. Hot. Fresh, and YuMmY!

I went to shower, thinking about the French toast he makes so wonderfully. Then, I thought about what I actually learned from him (frmo pervious viewing of his FT preparation)....

...When he makes the FT, he adds a bit of syrup to the batter, mixed to perfection. When I spotted this, my eyes widened and thought: How intersting! So now when I do my version of FT, I mix in a bit of honey, along with cinnamon and vanilla. Again, not just a food service from Aramark, but an experience, a new friend, AND great fucking food.

One of the cashiers I met, is pretty cool too. she I talked and I noticed her accent. Immediately, I said "manhattan!" because I can tell from that or brooklyn. Surprisingly -although I've never been to the rough and tough Bedsty, I can tell a difference there too. She also spotted my accent when I spoke, and said I sound as if I was from the east coast, which I proudly nodded, "yeah".

Now that Im in LA, I'm sure I'll be mixing my dialects again. I usually do, thats why I talked funny--already. Although this has nothing to DO with Aramark, it's the human interaction and friendly staff who do talk with you, while making your food. you don't get that at restaraunts. Most just want your order and go do their job.

Getting back to the story. Anyway, I love her personality. She's cut to the chase, after that it is a "Thank you, (rips out reciept), have a nice day." After that, a nice smile, a warm goodbye, and --another great experience.

Aside from the experiences, like the wonderful, funny, an talented person who makes the sandwhiches and keeps me on my 'funny' toes, is the good food prices. I bought a small WHOLE watermelon for 3 USD. At one time, I got Salmon, with lemon, with Broccolli and a few other finely cooked veggies. A full course meal around 7 USD. Go to a restaraunt and order that (12oz of salmon) and they will charge your candy kane butt plug ass, 14-22 USD! Aramark, RULES! No doubt - they're epic!

I'm glad that our company has Aramark there. I don't care for the Starbuck coffee joint inside, or the 'fruit juices', but they're cream O wheat, sandwhiches, salads, food, -- everything is EPIC!

I'll haveta investigate their stock. Thanks for the natural foods!

Wow, this sounds like an ad. Oh well. I feel better now after I ate my breakfast! Aramark, you guys are the BESTEST!

The Population Of Greed

(content included offensive material to our own humanity, if offended, please DO NOT READ)

So I write as a proud citizen of this fine country. Not to complain, not to bitch about how our system is. I’m not even here to describe how distgusted I am. Some people who read this -will- get offended. There isn’t a -might- get offended; they WILL. However, I speak the truth of opinion. It’s the reality that we cannot face. The shame that we secretly endure. Just like a mother, who silently beats her kid, and then practices that spanking a child is the most horrific thing to do..... We, as humans, do the same evil things mentioned below. Ergo, we are not perfect. This means you. All of you. Just remember, when you point the finger at someone... you still have three pointing back at you.

I am about to describe the events that are unfolding. I am laughing. I’m laughing at you silly bitches who has been protected under the IN GOD WE TRUST, which ultimately we removed our faith from God, our creator, to the faith in money. So, I should reverse that sentence, and say: IN MONEY WE TRUST

The house declined the 700$ usd bailout. I knew this was going to happen. Why? How? Because someone in politics -finally- got it right and thought:

"we got ourselves into trouble with buying and buying, spending and spending and just throwing money like it ain't no thang...... we have put faith into a paper dollar when, the money to back it up, never existed. We have become greedy, and our quality of life, our country, has lessened from our lethargic lives. Now we must suffer the consequences. We must unlearned what we learned, and learn from this!"

If this isn’t the case or the belief - then it is some other devious plan. I really hope that someone realizes this. NOW.

You see, we used to be a really great country. The America Dream is what everybody wanted. It was a great house.... Great husband / wife or domestic partner. Great kids, or adopted ones. Lastly, it was SECURITY and PEACE. We went away from that. We went away from the American Dream to the American NIGHTMARE. I remember someone telling me that if you worked hard, you'll be rewarded. Well, the only thing I found out over the years is: hard work, only earned me a corporate layoff or -- more hard work!

We have become futile against each other. We have become lethargic. We have kids who grew up not willing to work, but to have things done for them. We stopped learning. We stopped exploring. We stopped being a quality nation. We meddled with everyone's affairs. We took a back seat to our OWN faith in order to make the world happy. We gave away as others stole. We befriended enemies, who planned for our own failures. Even, my dear friend, our own government stole from us and went to jail. Some flew planes. Some bought prostitutes. Some even said they were the most faithful, when only you found out some scandal that they cheated on their, dear, wonderful, wives. Imagine that same person being YOUR leader. Our politicians are confused and cannot keep up with out constantly, ever changing, society of mass confusion and Population of Greed...

--We have become to live in the life of an INVISIBLE WAR.

So I am laughing. I am laughing because the HOUSE or CONGRESS knows that jobs will be lost within the government system. Including the Big Daddies. People WILL GO TO JAIL from the economic fallout resulting from GREED and corruption. We are starting to notice the POPULATION OF GREED, but yet, do nothing or say anything about it. I am laughing because, those same people, will see what it is like to be stripped away. Shamed. However, they will not learn from it until their last leg to stand on, which will not be much.

Same goes for the individuals who committed GLUTINY, GREED, and super materialistic ways. You bought your big houses. You bought your big SUVs (to this day I cannot understand how a big vehicle constitutes as a 'sports utility' when you cannot even drive them OFF ROAD, except for a jeep). You ate and ate. You consumed, like little locust, in a deep, long pasture. You gathered your belongings, you kept adding to your 'collection'. Every day you buy and buy, just to buy and for no reason what’s so ever. You all became fat. Our kids became fat. We then decided to take a bunch of pills and even give them to our kids, because the doctor said so. You had faith in a pill and food, but not faith in YOURSELVES. you have not learned that the possessions you are still paying for: the boat, the house, the credit cards, the online dating accounts, the mistress, the mister, the rings, jewelry, cars, whatever, are just burdens.

So, is this pissy 700 billion bailout is supposed to really bail us out? Think about it 700 billion. 700 BILLION. I mean in the 80's and 90's that word was NEVER used. We have become so blinded, from the facts, that we cannot even realize the word BILLION became a part of our everyday vocabulary, and even our burdens. Isn’t this the problem that we are facing NOW? We all want quick satisfaction. We all want us to 'get it fixed'-- quickly. Fix it and GO AWAY. Never mind the long term issues, which our kids and their kids-- along with your precious little 401k plan, which will mean NOTHING after the economy will be 5 times higher than the year you are living in now-- will pick up the failures.

700 billion. We keep shoving money to places to fix things, yet do not realize what it DESTROYS in the end.

No! This will not fix it. Just as government gave us the 500-3000K USD 'stimulus', free, money packages from our TAXES. That didn't help much, now did it? No, it did not. However, Exxon, has record profits. Not from our IRS, but from YOU, the people who end up throwing money around, while you dive on the roads, protected in your high SUVs. How can something be fixed if we continuously patch it up? The only thing I see stimulated was the greed of the eyes that bought and bought just to buy. Again you gave thieves, when you should have paid your debt. Sure $500 may not have solved all your problems, but at least fix your problems, for the long term? Learn from it. Let it never happen -again.

So take a look, while I’m laughing. Sure, I might lose my job, but you know what? I don’t have a big house or a big suv. I do not have a shit load of prized possessions, or burdens. I don’t buy just to buy. I've been there before, homeless. Shamed. Unsecured. I'm used to it. I've done it before, and I can do it again if need be. However, to this day, we cannot LEARN that just a bailout cannot fix our problems. We must LEARN to FACE our problems and fix it so it will never happen again. We have money to give to the thieves who are willing to take it (overdraft fees, bars, convenience services', etc) but we cannot pay back our debts. This I learned from a friend, who damned me, in the past.

I’m laughing. I can grow my own fruit and vegetables. Can you? I can find a way to live without a house. Can you? I can find a way to sleep on the ground, in a park, and bear the hardship of walking without a job. Can You? I can live without tons of possessions of the result from greed. Can you? I can live without a light on, can you? I can live without that $200 jacket, can you?

The answer is no. However, from time to time we are CONSTANTLY reminded of this greed. Here are a few things - just to keep you on your toes:

- Natural disasters. Sadly, we are reminded by these. Then we end up grasping hands, in unity, saying prayers; as if we all of a sudden became brothers and sisters. We end up throwing our destroyed possession we so collected in time. These disasters however remind us how insignificant they are once they have become twisted junk metal and garbage shrubbery. After the ordeal, we return to our corrupted, un-unified, materialstic, greedy little selves, until something else happens....

- Unnatural disasters. Think 911. Think the housing crisis. Think all the people who bought SUVs and had to pay up to $100 usd to gas up those big vehicles that tend to be scary, a week. A month's total up to $400 went right to Exxon, when you ultimately -thought- you lived in style. Now you live in debt. Again we unified on bad events from bad people or circumstances. After the ordeal, we return to our corrupted, un-unified, materialstic, greedy little selves, and still have not learned.

So I’m laughing. Not at your misfortunes. Not at your death because you committed suicide of too much debt to handle. Not from filthy rich people who lost their lives and job of greed, not from the individual who lost their prized possessions from over-spenditure, but I’m laughing at those who still not cannot understand that you cannot 'fix it' and 'have it go away'... because you will continuously lose --until there isn’t anymore...

--then... where will you be then? Because we put faith in money, when there is no faith in money. That, which protects us, makes us weak.

It's ultimately our Invisible War.

I forgot:

The night before last, which was the last blog I posted, that night I tried running again, and I had the same problem.

However, yesterday I ran and the problem was fixed. I love my body. It somehow is gifted with the Powers of Regeneration. not that I plan to chop off my finger to test this, but everytime I get an injury, my body has a pretty rapid recovery system. like the time in Florida, when I gashed the upper bottom on a boat propeller I bled for almost 24 hours. Bandaged, and had to drive from Destni to Virginia the next day, along with a headache from drinking, it started to recover. In 3 days, the wound was completely sealed up and I started jogging again.

mental note: this is why I fucking hate drinking so much</i>. However, it wasnt my fault, it was the vodkas fault, along with forgetting that the sun + drinking vodka + party boats + tons of people + clear waters of destin (crab island) + fun = qUciK dUrnKenEsS!

--not good.

I am a sociable drinker, and limit myself at least 2-3 drinks. I hate getting drunk, but that one really crepped up on me. I'm basically a 'happy' drunk. I tend to hug everyone, I smile, love everybody, and just one happy mother effer! There are some people who get drunk and do really, realyl stupid thin....

wait.. im gettign off track here.

Ok, well anyway, I was on the treadmill running about 3.5 mph. I ran for about 3 minutes to see if the muscle would act up. Oh, to mention my Sartorius muscles, ended up triggering off a really nasty siezing because it was weak, which made the rest of the muscles seize.

3.5 was good. Let's kick it up a notch.

Next: 5.5 mph. After two minutes, I was good.

6.7 mph. Ah! not bad, you little shit!

8.0., it's REALLY gota bother me now! It should've been!

8.5 is the highest I'd go. At one time my mind did it's 'mind bend' again and I thought I felt pain, so I re-adjusted. Hmmm. Ok, running good.

By this time I was ready to run a freakin marathon! I felt great and ready to run again.

I ran for 20 minutes, averaging 7.4 mph and decided to not over do my newfound wound injury repair.

---

Today, though I completely FORGOT my gym card and couple of hard drives which I really need. I'm trying to get an actors reel together and need them. I went back, home, masterbated, took a shower, got ready for the day, grabbed the hard drives and power supplies, and headed out. Not realizing that I left my gym card at work.

Got the gym and found out I did not have it. I went to work and realized that one of my power supplies is missing. I ended up grabbing a laptop power supply, and not the hard drives.

gosh. I have a terribly volatile memory storage.

ok, that was a totally out of the box blog.


---

My currnet goingson :

- I just started submitting for auditions.

- will be getting stable hopefully soon in L (getting place, paying off debt, recovering from moving [spent 5K usd of money from -somewhere?] )

- completed my myspace page for PR work

- configuring my actors reel by getting clip grabs

- reading power of the actor by ivana chubbard.

- going to audit acting classes soon.

>>Stay tuned!<<

quad city running cyclist

(editors' note: I have no stank ass idea why I even wrote this blog. Perhaps to teach those of the pain I've experienced today, perhaps to teach someone of the ways to listen Smokey The Bear, or mindfully screw someone else up so they can become someone even more creative than me)

today i went to the gym.

i normally go to the gym but in 1.5 months i have not been visiting the gym because while in LA, for the most part, i have been riding my Trek 6500 cycling bike. I had no transport except for the firt two weeks, but that got a bit expensive. So... I reverted to human power: biking.

I bike about 15 miles a day to my destination. So travelling home, doubles that. 30 miles a day was rough for the first 4 days. After two weeks, my body got really used to it. I loved it, and in fact, I realized I saved $110 per week in gas. At start, gas was about $425 usd in Los Angeles. Times that about a month; and you'll see what it takes to decide against machinery that not only costs you money to take care of, insure, and fueled up, but realize that a substantial amount of your pay goes to waste.

Anyway, from all that biking I noticed a few interesting discoveries. I particluary in the past did not bike as much because my love for running. But after getting to intimately know my bike more and more each week, I found:

* Cycling is REALLY fun.
* Reminds me of when I was a kid and the freedom that accompanies it.
* Learning how to fix a bike while brokedown is challenging, scary, and rewarding!
* Learning the parts of the bike are interesting.
* you get BIGGER Quadriceps (upper leg). You get really in tuned and larger Calves (lower leg, behind)
* awesome Tibias (aka-shin- front lower leg muscle).
* nerves in your butt are sore. Yuo butt does get quite in shape. I have a bubble butt, and it greatly makes mine a bit tighter. YaY!
* Fuck gas prices.
* People are mean in cars.
* areobic actitivy enhanced.
* less stress on knees. hmmm.

getting back to the gym. i like the gym. i miss it. this morning, i decided to head towards El Segundo's Bally's Total Fitness. IT was a lovely, large place and I immediately went towards the treadmills. I previously scoped out a track but could not find one. I was happier than a pig on a hot summer day, in a puddle of mud!

I started out my normal routine during my treadmill hell runs: starting pace: 5mph, incline 1.5 and knee high placement. After 3 minutes I recieved a horrific pain I've never witnessed. It occured in the Vastus medialis and Vastus intermedius region of my leg, although it was hard to pinpoint where in those areas. All of a sudden, the pain extended to the Rectus femoris region. normally when I feel a little pain, I do a complete P.A.S.T (Post Assement Self Test) and gather any known problems to adjust and modify my workouts. The pain is best described as: muscle tear encompassing around the vicinity and muscle sieze.

Unknown to my internal testing diagnostics, I stopped because at this point my mind was just finishing the test and registered a severe pain in the nervous system networks. I stopped completely, trying to communicate with my legs.

--No response.

I then set out a few stretches to the region.

-- ah. Upgrade. hehe. Let's continue...

So I mounted the tread mill again and did the same routine. Again, my muscles resulted once again the pain I previously felt. This time, however, I manage to catch the lil varmit. I stopped for a bit and assess my issue. I massaged my leg and stretched a bit more. Again, I tried running. Again, failure. However, I did catch it again before any more pain appeared, in fear that I may be damaging something.

After I got off the treadmill, I decided to head over to the adbominal crunch machine. Its a machine where you add weights to it and you can do some serious abdductions and abdominal workouts. I started with a 35. normally I do a 45 pounder. When I was doing crunches, I was thinking that could've been it. I could be weak in the abdonminal area. Some workouts, like running, need a good abdonminal workout too. As I worked more, I also came to the conclusion that it could be my femoral artery being blocked since my legs are a little more larger during my biking. It could be pinching it.

Hmmm. I am not sure. So I continued with other workouts in the gym, occasionally running in place to see if I can re-produce the pain. Sure enough. It appears.

From this point, all I can think of it simply starting off slowly in running. Since my legs are a bit bigger and in shape than ever before, I do not want to take away from anywhere else on my body. However, running, I cannot do like before because I will erase the workouts I get from a bike. Not only that but Biking is less stress on my body and knees. Running though, takes me into another world. So confusing... because both has advantages and disadvanges.

Today I learned: Machines don't last long. Just replace or repair the parts and once again.... It's ON!

Sources of scientific health information (my preferred site):
www.exrx.net - Great site for scientific health
Wikipedia - The world encyclopedia of anything!

Everyday, of the week I get to enjoy the cafe @ work:

My Menu every week @ work

This also includes an in house Starbucks coffee joint and additional Farmers' Market short stand to buy fresh fruit and whole baby watermelons.

The company Aramark is the company supplying kick ass, friendly chefs, nice environment, and awesome, fresh food and drinks. The French Toast is -great- in the mornings! I HEART Aramark!

You also need to BUY Norton Antivirus 2009. I've seen it. WAY better than the original versions. Uses very small amount of memory, two processes, UI revamped and one click install! Aside from all those, it's really, really impressive, I must say!

What becomes of Autumn (revamp-ired)

[spelilngcheck: off]
[i ain't got no grammar check: off]

Ok. I wrote a response to a blog that i read and i was so tickled and entertained that i had to re-vamp-ire it into my blog. that way EVERYBODY can enjoy it! since there are different views, i like to share mine, which can be twisted at times. i mean people say tomatoe two ways. i invented another way, ergo, three ways:

There is:
Tomatoe (toe - may -toe)

and there is:

Tomatoe (toe - mah -doe)

and finally (revamp-ired)
Tomatoe (toma` - toe)

Onward to the revamp-ire:

--BEGIN BLOG QUOTE ---
whats become of autumn
Current mood: calm, and loving
first let me state that if you buy me a pumpkin spice candle, i WILL love you forever!!!!








today, i was at my depressing job, couting down the time.
hours...
minuets...
second...

then i heard a voice, a customer asking for help.
she had 20 of the same thing, and wanted me to ring them, so it would go by faster.
her item was pumpkin spice candles.
the smell tainted my senses.
and i got a flash.
of what is to become of the little part of the world that i live in.

autumn is on its way, i can see it when i drive, and i get a sense of comfort, relaxation.
my love for this time of year is yet underfined.
its like loving something something so much its hurts.
an unpatient love.
i wantit to come, but know will disappear with a snap of a finger.

i have never understood why people say spring is the time for 'new begginings'
in autumn, everything is about to go to sleep.
and when people are asleep in their dreams, they become something else.
anything we want to be, or dont want to be.

so i bought the pumpkin spice candles, and all i can see is me running through october as a child, the leaves falling.
it was always a game when i was little.
to catch a falling leaf!
and if you caught it, you were the best ever.

all i can see is carving that pumpkin on my dads portch for the first time of my life.
and all i can hope if fr october, to go to the pumpkin patch.

the pumpkin patch is one of my favorite places in the world.
i love to go when the sun is still shining bright, but its not to hot, not too cold.
you sit down on the crunchy, scratchy hay and ride to the pumpkin patch.

i like to go with a love.
for me, its my deep love of this time combined with the person i love.
and it means so much to me.

tomarrow i am going running, and it always feels fantastic and just like autumn in the morning, and i am going to sit
down tomarrow and take a break, give my body a rest...
and just enjoy...
....earth...!
as it changes,
and falls asleep!


7:55 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment -
Chris Winters ©

ok. TWENTY candles?

Why do people BUY, just to BUY?

You used to chase the leaves in october? Wow! I remember you used to chase cars and little cats!

Ha! I remember that one time i took you to the pumpkin patch... that was fun!

-- the girl, who was with us, wasn't.

--also that one screamin' kid. I mean "FOR REAL": don't bring a kid who is already scared of the dark, pissing his or her trousers, thinking some Big Head Mr. Pumpkin is going to pop out and yell "BooGA Magoo!".. -- not cool.

--or what about that one guy who had that cigarette and when he threw it out, hours later to find out that the whole place caught on fire.

--or, that time when you accidently fell off the riding cart, because you were already pretending to 'fall off' with your 'false alarms'?
--I laughed after you fell.
--Some people didn't think it was funny.

-or what about that time when we went around the corner and there was a guy who escaped some prison. he was hiding in the patch from 'someone'.
--we could never figure that one out.

--and the time when we heard these two people making huffing and moaning sounds. they quickly put their shirt on. you were scratching your head, trying to figure out what they were doing, and all i could say to you was: "They were corn-stalking.."

--BEGIN BLOG QUOTE ---

FALL OF LA

A few things that is happening in LA right about now that concerns fun filled creme happenings, and the weather.

Fall is approaching LA, so typically some days are very cloudy in the morning, lasting towards noon. Its a bit chilly as well. The weather

feels around 65 in he morning, 75-78 in the afernoon, and 70 in the evening then falling back down a bit. However, if you live on the

mainland, away from the beaches, +3 the degrees.

since Fall is approaching, I felt the all-of-a-sudden weather change and attitude change from people. Once the last weekend of summer was

here, the weather was about 90, without humidity, perfect weather. Hot, but you felt very comfortable. Then, after the weekend was over, it is like people do not treat the area as if it was summer anymore... It's like the 'excitement' isnt there or something. It's totally ok, though, because people still have good nature and think of over things to do. There is always something to do here in LA. Here are a few things I like to do:

---------------
Santa Monica:
---------------
Ok, Santa Monica is -not- LA, because they claim themselves a 'diferent- part of California. However, it's caught right between Malibu and LA. Whatev.

- Visit the promenade in Santa Monica. I'll walk down watching the the buskers and wonderful shoppes. Very interesting people here too.

- Santa monica pier. I like visiting the end of the world and realizing that I AM nothing but a small entity peering to the end of the glass.

- Santa monica park and walk-drive. There's a park right under the Santa monica along with MILES of walking platforms. Along the walk way are thousands of scenery to wonderful buildings, beautiful shubbery, trees, beaches and sand.

------------------
Hollywood
-----------------
Old as shit, and the only thing shown on TV over galmourized as a new city, Hollywood has very interesting people.

- Walk of fame, I do not care for, but i do plant to just sit like the homless people and chill watching every other 'freak' that walks by. I learned that the tourist people are more freaks than homeless people are. Tourist STARE. Homeless, entertainers, casual, and home peeps just 'do'.

- echo park. just beautiful and artsy. Use to be gang land really bad, but its really nice now. the mexican population is pretty huge in this area and i love those fruit stands. $5 bucks will get you a large bag of FRESH cocnut, mango, pineaple, hiccumah, and tons of other fruits hand cut by.... yes, a mexican! I love it here.

- vine st, and melrose. I -just- love cruising those streets!

- Miracle Mile. My favourite place. I just love it here. It's solitude. It's LeBrea tarpits and age Museum, it's cool little light saber lights next door, it's where I can see and talk to the sun. It's where I can perch and watch the land below. Well, at least from a distance. It's also my favourite movie.

- bel air. Driving WAY up those mountains passing all those celebrity houses are really no big deal to me... But watching over the mountain and LA below are a spectacular site!

---------------
torrance
--------------
with a high asian population I can enjoy wonderful asian food. Amoung my favourite is ONami. It's just LOVE there.
Torrance is a subtle area and a really nice place to live. It has beautiful parks and wonderful scenery. It is also next to:

--------------
Hermosa and Redondo beach
------------------
Wonderful beaches. Period.




Today, Laura and I finally went to Randy's Donuts. I never in my life,

experienced love in a way I did today. Their donuts are light, very,very good, and you do not have that 'syrupy' feeling or 'bread full'

feeling afterwards. I tpically ride my bike to work and always pass the store, and i've always wanted to experience a goo donut in LA. After

all, behind taco and hamburger stands, donut stands are pretty huge and in abundance in LA. Randy's donuts, in addition, is a famous well

known place. It's also not 'crowded' and over -fan- saturated like Pink's.

I ate 3.

A huge cinnamon, devils food chocolate, and a maple eclair. Yum + E!

When I initially picked up my first victim: the eclair, I really noticed the weight of the donut. It felt like a pillow!

I soft pillow.... (munching on the first bite)

No! ... I soft, fluffy pillow (in ecstacy with love right about now....)

No! ... I soft, fluffy, feathery pillow!

Yes! Amazing! We tried the christie's and i flt very 'breaded' afterwards. I decided not to eat ANYTHING all day. However, with Randy's,

after eating or should I say glutinous piggy-ing my donuts, I did not feel bad at all!

Now coming there around 1am or 3am eating donuts might be a bit of problem because I do not want to eat that late at night.

ok, there's a few things in LA I do. I'll have to get some pic up soon

cW

I cannot fail what I cannot attempt,
--but I could fail if I do not try.

I got an email from a new friend named Molly. Molly was a victim of ChrisFraud. ChrisFraud is a thing when someone tried acting like me, posting their identity like me, and ... well, you know, it's a social network thing.

Anyway, I got so turned on writing her back, because she asked about the writings that I do. So in response, I wrote her back on the stories I am actually working on.

Let it to be revealed now tha I am working on a novel. It is called Invisible War. Here's the synopsis:


Invisible War is a story that depicts human suffering and survival towards the destiny of human destruction. In essence, every object that exists has a continuous invisible war or conflict. The main character in the story is struggling to find himself, in addition, to stop the person who has become the Redeemer of the world. This Redeemer, is nothing but the Influencer of many, who ultimately wants the human race controlled, contained, and ultimately destroyed. During all this conflict, many factions are playing against each other in a power struggle for land, water, and religious control. These factions believe that they will be ‘the one’ that will up rise and bring stability and law to Earth, when in the end, they were just a controlled force to destroy the other in attempt for total destruction.
In the time of The Coming, of the Ends Of Earth, humans will consistently build and re-build, hoping that peace and structure will enter their lives. The followers of many shall flock to the powers that be and in hopes that a structured society will prevail, only to find that their destiny lies within their own paths, and influenced by the destiny of others.
Invisible War is a story that opens the mind of questions. It is a story of compassion and determination. It is a story of mind psyche in which will help liberate the mind into knowing that the events of reality are separate from the events from the mind. Our bodies are the transport, and our minds are the tool to get us to our destiny…
…to our end.


That in short is Invisible War. There's a whole world built around it and a quite complex story. I am currently on chapter five and designing the 'website' to reflect on the story. It is stable and a secret location within my website, which I will disclose later. I might open the chapters to the public, and perhaps have the public read chapter by chapter. I am not oo sure how I will do it actually. I do know this: I need to finish the story by next March (March 09) because a lot of authors, non published or not are waiting for it's release. not to mention tons of fans from the Romantic Times convention (since I did win Mr. Romance 2008). I really thank Christine Feehan, Cindy Holby, Basam Darwish for really pushing me on this and saking almost everyday how's the story coming?

The next story in mind, and it has not been designed yet, however-- the concept is being developed-- is a story called Justice. Now getting back to Molly. When she asked about writing I decided to disclose the new information to her. Low and behold, I wrote her a response on it, which I liked, so here's a quote from an email that I wrote to her:


JUSTICE - story about a man and his wife and their joys of loving each other. all of a sudden the wife dies. her name is Justice. throughout the rest of the mans life (name to be determined) he has constant dreams of her, thinks she's always around him (spirit wise), and cannot get over her until he meets a girl who becomes his best friend. they almost fall in love when he finally let's go "Justice" (which is really in his mind, his mind does it ). They do not fall in love- because they don't want to ruin a great friendship.

Adding to the thought: I want to have two point of views to the story: For instance, there is a section where he fantasizes of Justice, and has sex with her, but in reality he masterbates. There are times where he is speaking to her, feeling as if she was there, but she isnt. He 'enjoys' this sickness of emptyness, yet hates it. Another point of view would describe him driving in a car, pretending she was there. He rubs the seat as if her leg where there. He can see it, he can feel her. However, she isnt there and the reader reads as if she was, but in fact, brought back to reality knowing she isnt there.


Im thinking on this book too, but i REALLY want to write it. Ive been though this before, JUST like everyone else, thinking that the person they loved, and lost, is 'still there' with them.

the other book is about a man who lives in solitude. hardly any dialouge but his wandering around displays curiosity. Not sure about this yet, still pondering. I think its quite interesting.



So there you have it. To make a long story, longer, Justice is about losing someone. It's about empathy. I want to put you in the shoes of another person and his feelings. We've all been there before, we've lost someone from a relationship, death, or perhaps a sudden mishap. We still love that person. We still 'pretend' they are there, until one day we let them go. But in the mean time, that person and that past has haunted you, because you let it.

The other story is basically placing the author in another state from the persons point of view. I want to describe how it feels to be in solitary. Although not in away you may think and have been taught that solitary is defined: placing oneself from the rest of the world. I want to show the world that person watches others. That person learns fro watching. That person ends up surviving out of most who would not. solitary is knowledge building. It is patience building. It is many things. Compared to a person who lives in a very stressful world who has many many thing on their mind and cannot calm down?

I'd pick solitary.

Also in the book will contain many of my writings which are already published on my blog. It will also contain many things unreleased. It's deep. Very deep, and in fact, I remember when some people have contacted me and said I helped changed their lives. I think the stoyr about solitary. Who knows? I ahve not titled it yet. Solitarian sounds pretty nifty. However....

I kinda like Tungsten's Guide to: Empathetic Mania

Love you all. oh, thank you Molly for asking me those questions on writing ;)

So... I've been working...

Working is an understatement because I have been quite distracted from life recently. I think it's because I get so involved in wha I am doing that time passes rather quickly. I see why now sometimes people on the West Coast tend to forget things, even when they do not mean to.

For example:

* I noticed when I receive a text message on my phone, I sometimes do not answer it because I forgot. It's not that I completely forgot about it... It is more like I did not answer it right away, and later I realize I thought I answered it, thus me forgetting I really did.

* Things... Really... Don't.... start around here in Los Angeles until uhm..... 11 a.m. -- and that is PACIFIC TIME, which will be 2 pm EST. Time passes, so the time you've finished lunch, many people around here are thinking about waking up for work. Work is generally over around 530-6pm. you wonder if anything gets done around here.

Work is great, work is clean. But on the horizon I'll be doing more auditions soon. Look out! I have some cool stuff around the corner! Stay tuned, my lil minions!

***

Ok work. That's good. So.... Many people have been asking how's the LA Life? I will give a few thoughts:

* People are overweight or unhealthy because there are TONS of fast food places. Many people think they are unique hot dog stands, burger joints, or whatever... I call them the same as I did on the East Coast: Fast food joints.
-- and yes, people at 1am are hanging out at your local In and Out or Fatburger!


* Parking, apartments, and food:
-Food is generally fresher. Fruit and veggies are expensive, especially if you wanna "go green"
-Parking If you park at a club and do the valet thing, which most you have to, or park at a parking lot, you will pay generally 15-25$ USD. Not me. I'd rather park 7-8 blocks away, like on Lexington Ave, an enjoy the walk up towards Vine. You may laugh, but I am the real green person compared to you. Besides, the two drinks that cost me $15, can easily be burned out by walking back, making me less intoxicated while you drink your 12 drinks ( 6 times the money), and risk a DUI-- -and running over some little girl.
-environment - I like it here because its big city. it also fits my personality as well. However, here are some highlights on environment:
* Things that look 'ghetto' to others look decent to me.
* LA is old. old building, old streets (REALLY), old people, old this and that. At the slightest upgrade or renovation, your rent or the price of an object will be higher in expenditure value (i.e apartments) and (i.e. -sucker).
* TV gives people the glamour life of LA. Really: They only see one night or day of a big party with a bunch of people who are already filthy rich. To a person who has a 9-5er, they aren't going to have that much fun everyday. Besides, its not always in LA, the party moved to New York and Florida! Ha! Peep your environment.
*For an actor whos making it: you better get a really good job to make it out here and that's flexible enough. Roommates come and go, and sometimes they com and go with your money and you stuck somewhere you don't want to be renting! In addition to this, just because you made friends on Myspace, Tagged, or some other social site, thinking you are going to hook up and live together... Think again.
* Where you live and where you want to live depends on the size of your head and wallet.
* the beaches are truly beautiful here. Hermosa being one of my favourites and Zuma being another one I want to visit.
* The weather is good, even on cold days.
* People: Yep, the stories about hearing those fake one's ARE real. I like to make nu fun of them... and when they ask who am I talking about. I always laugh real hard and say: "You."

I love LA. Ive always wanted to be here when I was a teenager. I remember though, my dreams were to live in New York because I love, love, love the grunge look and the glitzy looks. New york has a lot to offer, and ... believe it or not, its TWICE more expensive than Los Angeles.

Here in LA is perfect for me. I have everything I need. Yeah, I am also riding my bike all around town. I know a lot of back surface roads from Torrance to Hollywood, but I also know that I am rather happy here. So much oportunity. So many bad, bad people. So many this and that.

oh yeah, I forgot:
I got my first California Highway Patrol ticket: It was a warning for running a red light and wearing headphones. I got it when I got pulled over on a bike!

yeah. $133.00 USD.


Stay tuned for more. I just had a brain fart.

The Gates of Solitary
by cwinters

i have never knew how much i can be held
never knew how much power is cast upon me
until i finally awoke to the sound of bells.

but the infinity of time only holds not a chapter of my life
but yours and everybodies elses'
mine cannot compare.

but the pain i have, thriving inside of me
wrangling around like a wild horse
cannot unleash the fear i have dwindling.

i want to escape but cannot for many things have my belongings
it seems all to easy if i can jump high, yet
like a bad dream, i cannot. so, ultimately i perish.

the white horse which the soldier with the sword cannot cast the dragon down
the clouds of the Gods cannot smite thee
nor can the devil who lives in the underworlds.

the elks in the woods, the heather in the rose,
the money of the big men, nothing can take it away, or my pain
only myself, which i cannot, or i might not see tomorrow.

i am not mad or sad, angry or disrupted.
there only one feeling i would not sacrifce above all...
...and that is solitude.

the Gift

solitude. i sit. i no longer wonder, yet im afraid-
of losing that special Gift.
i laugh, i sing, i cry.
i laugh because it feels good, but laughter doesnt live long.
i sing because i cannot, yet i do it because it puts me in another frequency of feelings.
i cry not because i am depressed or sad, or burdened, or in pain... i do it because it feels good.

what -is- the most important Gift?
you can have an amazing birthday party, but you do not have to have Gifts.
yet, Gifts that are expensive are too spoiled. materialistic. Those Gifts will always be that way.
we buy because were sad. we buy just to buy. just to have Gifts.
but those are not Gifts.
--we are poisoned, by the Population Of Greed.

but the Gift im talking about is locked.
the one that is so bold to take on the world
to feel high, to feel as if it was superman... flying. -high.
no.
its not.
the Gift sits in solitude, waiting, away from many eyes.

for what purpose is to keep the Gift if we poison it?
for what purpose to keep the Gift if we condemn it.
for what purpose is the Gift to serve, when it is under power?
for what is the Gift?

time.
time evolution. the Gift evolves, yet, another exceeds
work.
work hard, yet the Gift is replaced by another, only better, the old forgotton.
beauty.
the beautiful Gift is overlooked by another because it is shiny. precious. the other is cast aside.
time.
time passes, and the Gift is no longer an important entity. it is simply something else.

sometimes i want to give the Gift back.
wondering, why the Gift was given to me in the first place.
i deserved nothing to recieve it, yet nothing will become of it even if i owned it.
but the Gift I do not own. The Gift is onl given to me. To cherish.

I kept the Gift for many years, proud of it, yet it will disappear in time.
it was never mine. nor yours. only owned by time.
it is not expensive, like crude materialisic things.
but it is the wonderful Gift of all...
will set like the sun and fade as it will fall.

this is the Lifetime video of the Mr. Romance winning

mY fRienD, iM soRrY
by cwinters

the other day i was instructed to call you, but i never
-- did not.
the time i wanted to spend time with you,
-- i did not.
there's no excuse, even the simple phrase of "I forgot".

the time i would leave comments, send letters, or anything that reminded you of me.
that wasn't enough.

people always say "i'm busy" , but what are they really 'busy' with?
saying you have no time is just a huge false monolith.

i'm sorry, is an excuse to say something,
to make you feel lighter, of the situation.
--saying "I'm busy" is just a cop out hesitation.

i'm sorry, is an excuse, because it was 'my' mistake.
my friend, i love you, in this world called Artificial Lake

its funny, how we live near, or, with each other,
was there was some contact
but we didn't have to visit. We just knew we were 'there'--
--but that's just a postfact.

you are just an email away, i took our friendship for granted,
you live across country, down the street, or somewhere else transplanted.

my friend, you are always in my heart, and in my mind.
--but i never came to see you.
My view is still a little askew. (Like everybody else)

i'm sorry, is the excuse, when you cannot give your time
i'm sorry, is an excuse, when you live your life part-time.
i'm sorry, is an excuse, when you try to justify something you are already wronged
i'm sorry, is an excuse, that should've never belonged.

the other day i bought you a gift....
-- a gift from the store.
you took it, examined it...
-- and smashed it on the floor.

i was shocked to find out why you felt that way
you look at me in dismay,
--because you did not want it this way.

i'm sorry, is an excuse, to say,
-- when you don't see someone
i'm sorry, is an excuse, to say,
--when you don't spend time with someone.

So.... you BUY them something, to make things better...
---thinking that your friendship is adrift.
--when in fact it should be--
YOU--
...as the gift.

my friend, i'm so... wrong.

HA HA HA! I love this guy and his website. So true about fashion.

The best site in the universe
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=fashion

so - ive been out of the loop lately. i think it is because im just so damn focused on trying to figure things out here in los angeles.

i tell you: i got really sIcK of renting a stupid car, which costs about $1250 USD per month so I ecided to get my bike shipped.

call me a loser! I AM!

I will los eso much freaking weight from biking 14-15 miles ONE WAY to work everyday. Ok, that's about 30 miles, give or take -for 5 days. It costs the body around 1300 k calories per trip. one pound of body weight is roughly 3500. I eat about 1200 per daqy now a days.

i like it. the first week was pretty rough because i had to plot out my route and figure out the asshole traffic. everybody hates you when you ride a bike. even the N-I-C-E people. just yesterday I recieved my FIRST ticket. I actually ran a stop light, and had headphones one. The officer asked:

"Give me one good reason why I should not write you a ticket."

hmmm. i thought. Then, I responded:

"Well, to be completely honest with you: I did it because -I- felt it was safe to cross. The traffic was..."

not good enough. Even though I learned one thing: You may have a green light on your end, but the PEDESTRIAN light has to be LIT.

so, he figures I am a nice guy, and decided to write me a ticket. I did still have my Virginia drivers license. He asked how long was I here for, and why, and I told him I just moved here and have a permanent job. He said I need to get my california drivers licenese as soon as possible. I was supposed to have 10 days to do it after moving here and getting a job.

He also gave me some good advise about bycycle laws and begged me to be careful because he stated the people out there-are- mean and will run you over. He would hate to see me on a stretcher after pulling me over. I shook my head in agreement.

He was a pretty decent guy. I'd rather pay the $56 dollar fine as opposed to the $365 dollar fine. Really, I wouldnt like to pay anything at all, but it's kinda cool t get finally pulled over--- than be hit.

40% chance of being it. that's my percentage chance. everyday i run my risk of being hit. i dont like that part. there's just SO many ways to do it. if you ride a bike in los angeles, MAKE SURE you can RIDE with the traffic, not some slow ass cruise. if not, you are going to get hurt pretty badly.

so my route. my route right now consists of starting off torrance blvd, in torrance, ca. I head up towards hawthrone, sometimes taking crenshaw and then heading towards inglewood. I usually like to switch up streets to keep from being bored everyday riding, but there -IS- one road I really hate.... That's AVIATION blvd. when i reach 190th street from inglewood, unless i take la cienega, i take aviation. I did try taking sepulveda and UNDER the LAX tunnel, but that is WIDELY dangerous as shit! I'll never do that again.... you are begging to get hit then. If not, you'll end up sliding off the footpaths and right into an oncoming car-- or worse: a utility truck!

aviation is a pretty rough street. i mean you have to keep a constant 10mph to get the hell off of it. its pretty long. the ONLY good thing is having a huge ass plane coming in for a landing and HISSSSSSSSSSING right above you. What a sight!

if i get sick of aviation, i might take inglewood or hawthorne all the way up towards lennox. Lennox is pretty rough, or at least the neighborhood gets kinda rough-- then I end up on century blvd.... one of the busiest streets known, because its portal to LAX. I quickly cros that like a little rat. i have to.. scurrying about.

i cross over and end up taking manchester or airport all the way towards sepuleda and howard hughes. I end up at bristol- right across the cemetary.

its a rough ride. the hills are CRAZY. I am CRAZY. This life of mine is CRAZY. Now friends wan to meet up and my riding to them will be CRAZY. Of course I really hope they totally understand, that I dont want to tpay for gas. I am getting in better shape for upcoming stuff. I learned LA has T-O-N-S of places to get you fattre than a pig on a farm on a hot summer day waiting to get slaughtered! ugh.

i decided to write something named 'my'. I hope you like it. if you dont, email me and tell me how much you really, really hate it. then, i wont write back ;)

There are people i want to meet and i have not yet, and im hoping real soon to meet them.


my
by Chris Winters

you are...
my weakness
my pleasure
my laughter --and
my knowledge

you are my -
-- sunshine
my storm
my rain
my pain.

you are like the dancing beads of dried beans on a factory line,
rushing their way to somewhere.

it's really funny to watch them!
you are the cute little red balloon the little girl let go.

--you are so independent!

--but yet easy to catch and hold.



i remember watching your beautiful hair flow in the wind,
only wishing i could touch it, but...

i can already feel it by watching.

I can always hear yor laughter although I dont see you
--much anymore.

but I do -live- through your experiences when you tell me!

you are my sweetheart
my rolling thunder
my calm
my plunder.

you are my seasons
my spice
my sugar---

--and everything nice.

cW

My Earthquake!

I experienced my FIRST earthquake in California, and found out to be a rather big one. Heres the lnik:

http://quake.usgs.gov/recenteqs/Quakes/ci14383980.html

How did it feel?
Fab-fun-tastic! It was like being inside a rickity elevator! Amazing how strong a building is, it shook like a druggie with a bad habit.

How long did it last?
It had to be a good full minute.

what was your first initial reaction?
I was with my friend, Nivedhitha, and we were talking. Then I heard as if someone was storming out of nowhere, you know how someone runs in a building and the floor vibrates and you can hear the swooching sounds of their clothes and sudden panic? It got stronger and stronger and we realized: SHit! We're having an earthquake.

After the earthquake, most of us were shocked, even to find out how big it was. our phones, surprisingly did not work, and still dont really.. but i have alltell, which SUCKS anyway. We went outside to scope any damages.

Nope. not at all. The building we're in fully sound. Good QA, if i might add.

I was excited to be in my first eathquake.

I love LA. Its like me: All of a sudden fun!

stay tuned for my first two weeks in LA blog... ha

Tales of the Bullshit Group Hug Sessions - Take One

We live our simple little lives by running to work, protected by our big SUVs. We live in our protected houses, with AC running, shielding ourselves from the 'hot' sun. We have our heaters protecting ourselves from the cold outside. We have our alarms in case of crminals who want to break in.

Great.

--But, under all this protection, cannot we protect those who are 'not' protected? Not only that, but when we witness an event, all we can say is "DAAAAYum, he/she got Fucked up!"

...I got SO fucking angry reading the below article. It reminded a flashbck of Reginald Denny, the person who suffered trauma during the 92 LA Riots. POLICE (which means more than 1 MAN) backed off because they were 'outnumbered'. However, this man, suffered, and LIVED. In the case below, a man died because of stupidity. Dies form American human traitor hands. HUMAN, of all species. We are such mnnsters in this world.

Read on:


Fri Jun 27, 2:10 AM ET
CLEVELAND - A group of teenagers beat a homeless man to death as passers-by slowed to watch the attack, some of which was caught on videotape, police said.

Anthony Waters, 42, suffered a lacerated spleen and broken ribs during the attack Wednesday night and died at a hospital, police said.

"The pack mentality going on in the city of Cleveland must end," police Commander Calvin Williams said Thursday at a news conference where he urged the attackers to come forward.

Portions of the attack were caught on a surveillance camera outside a towing company on the city's east side. Police said the videotape shows passing cars slowing to watch three teens attack Waters until he staggered into the parking lot, where he was assisted by employees of the towing company.

"It was just horrifying the way he looked," said Marlo Massey, Waters' sister, who saw her brother's body after the attack. "They beat him to death and I just can't stop thinking what was on his mind while it was happening."

Waters suffered from blunt abdominal trauma, a head injury and damaged internal organs, the Cuyahoga County coroner said.

The attackers, who appeared to be between the ages of 14 to 17, robbed Waters of a music player and headphones, police said. No arrests have been made.

Waters was a welder by trade but had been staying at a Cleveland-area homeless shelter, said Paul Eadeh, a friend.

"He's a good guy, a hardworking person," Eadeh said. "He was just trying to make some money to eat and to live."

Eadeh said Waters worked odd jobs for him at a beverage store.


SOURCE: YAHOO
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080627/ap_on_re_us/homeless_attack


-----

I mean, people SLOW down to see some one else' misfortune. Largely, the teens who beat an innocent person just for a pair of headphones. A person, who breathes, like them. Those teens will face their consequences, and I hope bubba, treats them real good and beats them as equal. OR someone. However, as cowardly as they are, they are still FREE. I hope their minds rob them of their freedom. I hope it kills them, knowing that they MURDERED an innocent man, who was surviving, just as you and I are. Except, these fucking teenagers are probably installed, sheltered, and housed in their big ass SUVs, ipods, Wii's, large panret owned houses. If not, then they are some ghetto ass cowards rats, who have no value to life except to continuously piss and shit life away.

The people who slowed down, that never helped, even amaze me more!

Ok....

I'm so fucking sick to even hear us, Proud, Fat Ass, Greedy, Americans, who turn to God, love, or Group Hug sessions after a huge suffering!

I remember 'terrorist' - the one's who particulary 'invaded' our land (which no one owns) and blew up the Twin Towers. We all of a sudden stated group huggin and 'bonded together' as we joined hands, within brotherly love, looked towards God for submission and protection.

We had the Katrina and flooding that caused many deaths. Same thing: Group hugs, turned to God, and we 'stood tall and in faith' as if we all of a sudden became proud of our country and lived in brotherly love.

Bullshit! Hypocrites!

I would've personally stopped, or shoved the car right on the attackers ass, and reminded them that homeless person was HUMAN too. I'm sure if one person, and that would be all that it takes, would have intervened, the whole fucking freeway or street would have too. Sure they are teens, and I would probably get sued, but at least the courts will have the footage of a good samaritan. I may get penalities, but at least I know I would have given my life to help the person who was already under attack, outnumbered, unarmed, and probably unaware. Hey, thats' the American UnWay.

Where were all the Christians? Where were al lthe buddist? Where were all the people who cared about Global Warming? What about the people who had that 'brotherly love' during our bullshit Group Hug Sessions while our 'innocent' country was under attack? What about the people who believed that 'we must ALL stand together'?

Sure, the employees of a towing company eventually came, but the people who trambled over his almost lifeless body - laid there.

...but we like gore. We like to see 'live' youtube type misfortune, so we can brag that we did, or perhaps get footage to earn some recognition or funds. We love to see drama. We thrive on it.

...and that mean to the expense of someone's misfortune. In this case, someone's life.

Sad.

Wake the fuck up, people.

The interview by Helen Scott Taylor, all the way from the UK, gets deep with Chris Winters. This is one of his deeper interviews yet!

When we were in Pittsburgh in April for the Romantic Times Convention, some of us had the pleasure of meeting Chris Winters, Mr. Romance 2008. Chris is more than a handsome face and yummy body, he's a lovely guy with a great sense of humor. Today we're delighted to have Chris visiting us on Title Magic to answer our questions to give us a little insight into what makes him tick!

check out the interview at her blog:



Title Magic - Helen Scott Taylor interviews Chris Winters

If the link above does not work, then copy paste this in:
http://titlemagic.blogspot.com/2008/06/welcome-chris-winters.html

for today:

"I really wanted to be in that fucking movie!"

Im so upset right now. I m realyl fucking upset. I can .. iono.... punch a fucking wall.

many things are ramping in my head right now as to reason why i did not get the part that i originally was going to be filled for.

there is this story which I really enjoyed. enjoyed in fact that I cried at the end. I was so into the character and i know that i would enjoy doing it.

however.

i am moving to LA, its low budget, and the scheduling is all of august. its 12 hours shoots from what the schedule announced.

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

ne way, my friend, Justin Tully got the part after I text him. I actually wrote the director who chose to go local and said I ws curious to know who he picked. not only that, i also mentioned that if the part went to anyone... it should go to my friend, Justin.

justin rang.

he asked if i was ok and he actually got the part assigned to him. the word was given last night actually (from this date).

"Justin! Thats good! SUCKS! but its all chicken. At least I wanted the part to go to you because I felt you would be the best for it."

Justin replied with comment saying that he saw me as the part.

Im hurt actually. I wouldve made the flight. I wouldve did my best to be the character. damn, I loved the story so much.

SHIT! Im pissed. im writing and my mind is going a thousand times per minute.

sometimes, it feels like I am not worth anything at all at times, no matter how good i do or bad. iono.... right now.... i just feel negative.

im moving to LOs Angeles in 1 week and half. Im still confused. Still have not found aplace nor moved or shipped my car...

--and i could care fucking helpless if I lived homeless right now.

cW

Me! On LifeTime TV Website and making something beautiful!

Starting a riot! Just found out from my author friend, Cindy Holby (aka Holby1, nicknamed by me) that LifeTime just posted the Mr. Romance and authors videos online. Of the many videos online, you can see ME, as the Mr. Romance winner!

As well with good news, I'm making soemthing beautiful! To many those who do not know, I am writing a novel. It is a science fiction story about -- pretty much the 3nd of the world. I'll be releasing that information when I get the first 5 chapters complete. I'm on my fourth chapter now. It is going to be a WONDERFUL and thriilling story!

This morning, I'm so excited because I:

* Am waiting a call from Symantec, my old company, to hire me back. This also means I'll be living in California, sooner than I thought ;) The better. right now, I'm awaiting final decisions. The pay is going to be great, the living, and my acting/modeling career will be enhanced!

* Found an orange on my way to work. Yep! Food! Some person must of dropped an orange on the road by accident. during my bike ride to my conservative, micro-managed place, where they call it my 'employer' -- I found an orange, so I swung by to pick it up! I examined it and thought: Wow! That's a healthy orange! Um Good! I placed it in my bag, and it made friends with my grapes I've been munching on for about a day now.

* Its warm, so this means more free time outside. More running, and preparation for that half marathon.

* My life is a COMPLETE mixed up, complexed, work of endless highways. Right now I am not sure -where- Im going, -how- I'm going to do it, -what- Im going to do, and -why- its all happening so quickly. All I -do- know is, it's going to be one hell of a ride, and I'm sure going to enjoy every bit of it, and smile while doing it. Remember, what I preach? Smile if and as if you enjoy it! Laughing of course, is the release of joy and anger! But as far as this: I LOVE the fact I'm not sure of things. Makes life better like that and I'm never bored. Patternism, is. (Is that a word?)

Welp, on the negated side of things: As I read other blogs of actors I know and their lives, I'm glad they're getting way ahead of me. Shows how slow-er I'm doing things. Kinda gives me motivation too. Not only that, a chance to re-evaluate how I do things. Other than that, I do feel accomplished of the things I do --do.

Here's the video below. If it does not work then the URL to the site is:

http://videos.mylifetime.com/?fr_chl=494e8bc8fd79bf6af979ac2adde10a0fbea1c318&rf=bm
Click here to go to LifeTime link above

Hey ---everybody:

I love you.

Chris Winters

Detoxification or using detoxt diets is a way to remove all unwanted "toxins" from the body. It is used by many people to feel lighter, to flush out the liver and intestines. Many people believe that these "toxins" cause many health problems such as fatigue, tight feeling muscles, headaches, nauseam, and mental street, to name a few.

--So define "toxins"? Let's examine this for a bit to shine a little light on the matter.

The "toxins" are from those foods that contain harmful elements such as meat, vegetables, some grains and flour, dairy products, caffeine, beer, oils and fat. These elements in the "toxins" are not really defined as natural or not, nor do they define the correct names. They are just labeled "toxins", and they happened to be trapped way deep down in your belly, joints, or wherever the "toxin" creeps maybe.

In addition to this, another element "free radicals" is the same thing as these "toxins" creeps. "Free radicals" remind me of some crazy vernon germ running around causing terrorist havoc in your body, and you body is all ok with it until you "clean" or dextox it. So for now on, we'll call "toxins" or "free radicals" as "free willies"!

Ok... Correct me if I am wrong, but the human body does an amazing way of removing toxins from the body. The main organ responsible for this is, the liver! The liver has over 200 functions, and detoxification being one. Besides breaking down red blood cells, aiding the spleen, regulating glucose, or acting as a filter, the liver is a wonderful mechanism of removing free willies, natural or not. If those "toxins" where to muddle their way into your bloodstream (possible infection by wound), then your body's immune system would destroy and rid of any foreign material. IF the free willies happen to be "real nasty, as they want to be", your body would go into sepsis. From that point, you body, again, has an amazing way of cleaning itself.

As far as being "trapped" somewhere (yea-uh, ok), think gang-green, or possibly an overworked thyroid gland and excessive buildup of white blood cells near the "trapped" location. It's a bit hard to believe that micro-cells and liquid in your body gets "trapped" anywhere, unless you are sitting for a -real- long time without any movement. Within several hours to a day, you would physically tell something is wrong. Hmmm, makes you think about those free willies hanging out around your elbow, huh?

-Right!

Back to the detoxification: There's no evidence proving a detoxification works towards your health goal or not, but it can spell harmful effects towards your own diet and health. Typically, detoxification requires fasting of a sort, along with eating raw vegetables, drinking fruit juices, and water. In addition to this, most detoxification diets suggest using colon cleaners like enemas, laxatives, and anti-oxidants (that's where the "free radicals" that keep pining around your body come in.). The diet durations are about 2 weeks to the maximum. The detoxification diet is strict using the ingredients above mentioned.

After the detoxification, people report that feel "lighter" or "empty", "cleaner", able to "move". They also report that the feel "energetic", and "mentally replenished". Even though you may think you are doing good, your body is just reacting to you not eating well, because using less calories, means the body uses your glucose stores for energy. This will give a slight sense of energetic levels along with heighten senses. Not only that, but you blood will be thinner than before. When you consume food, your blood is typically thicker before you ate. Since, fasting, your blood will be a bit thin.

Now, personally, if I did a few enemas and laxatives, I would feel lighter too! I mean everything in your intestines is pretty much dropping out from your "pan". Drinking water as opposed to sodas or coffee, replenishes your moisture in your body. It causes your environmental functions to operate properly, making you feel more comfortable in your clothes. Since you are now caloric restricted, your mental psychological being will be a bit heightened by living off the glucose stores in your body. Wow! No more free willies! Well, those free willies where gone along time ago, ever since your first urine. So no magic there!

So let's get real, and I think you see the point; there is no, absolutely no scientific reasons and evidence that detoxification. It may feel good to fast for a while, but you are actually alarming your body and it is responding to it, which has you thinking it’s a cool feeling, but you need to realize that continued fasting could cause problems. Early side effects include headaches and irritability. Severe calorie restriction can result in anemia, low blood sugar and a re bound to eat twice as more than before. It is just not worth it.

So, WHAT is the solution?

Ok. First let's help with the above issues:

"lighter" or "empty" feeling: Eat smaller portions! Even if you EAT healthy, alot in one sitting isn’t healthy. Think gluttony. In addition to this, you body doesn’t really need all that food that you consume in one sitting. You'll find this out when you go pass feces, or poo. Eating alot equals more poo-ing.

"cleaner" First to feel cleaner, drink water. Replace it with all your sugar drinks. Even using substitute sugar, don't use it. Why introduce "chemicals" to your body when you are already worried about detoxing!? Kinda makes sense, huh?

"move" stretch. Stretch every morning before getting up. You’ll see that you tend to wake up faster instead of lugging around looking for the coffee cup. Once you stretch out, you blood and body reacts to this and gets the body going. In addition to this, moving as in exercise will also give you an energetic feeling or a lighter feeling. Did you know that running was a natural laxative? Run for a while, and do it fast! Running jostles those intestines, and every muscle in your body.

"energetic" We don’t get enough sleep. WE actually have every excuse in the world, but one of the lamest excuses to not get sleep is not enough time. How much time do you need? If you come home and watch TV, then you have enough time to sleep. Relaxing and wafting TV is -not- the same as getting sleep. It is scientifically proven that sleeping at least 7 hours and a couple of 10-minute naps during the day prove an energetic life.

"mentally replenished" First, see sleep above. You’ll rest better and have a clearer mind. Also exercise will help being mentally stable. People also complain about the problem they create, so the best thing to do is not!


For the best 'detoxification', just eat simple things like vegetation, plenty of fiber (like fiber one cereal 57%), dairy products, (if not allergic), lean source of protein such as salmon, tuna, and turkey, and plenty of water.

ITs quite disturbing to see someone like Mischa Barton let herself go and not take care of herself.

http://movies.msn.com/movies/Undressed?GT1=7701&photoidx=7

Ok I dont mind persons feeling comfortable with them selves, but if a person lets themselves go and does not take care of themselves. I get a bit sad. I was sad to see her today like this. Drinking of course, as it makes everybody look bloated and pale, will do this. Alcohol I think is the faster killer than anything, including smoking. Or drinking Draino.

On the lighter side:

Vote for me HERE:

http://www.dorchesterpub.com/Dorch/SpecialFeatures.cfm?ID=2445

WHO'S YOUR MR. ROMANCE?

If washboard abs and bulging biceps making you weak in the knees, better grab your smelling salts ’cause we've got a special preview of the 2008 Mr. Romance cover-model competition. These dudes are righteously buff and ready for their closeup.

On April 19th at the Romantic Times Booklovers Convention in Pittsburgh, these men will strut their stuff down the runway, flash their pearly whites and flex that one muscle that can win them the gold—personal charm. And this year we've created the Cyber Choice Award, so you get to be part of the fun.

Beginning April 7, Dorchesterpub.com will introduce two models a day. Learn his stats, love his lats and dream away about dinner for two with beefcake tartare for starters. After four days of hunky reveals, come back to vote for your favorite. The model with the most votes as of 5 p.m. EST on April 18th will be presented with the Cyber Choice Award and win an American Express gift card.

Voting is open to one and all, so come early and vote often. Who's hot and who's not? You tell us!